Passage

One concept that has always fascinated and scared me is the passage of time. Some days seem to stretch for an eternity, while others are gone before you know it. When we are children, it feels like we have all the time in the world, while as adults, the days aren't long enough. There is never enough time to accomplish what we want. There is never enough time to see all your family and friends. Years go by and you simply cannot believe it. Wasn't it just yesterday that mom and dad were driving us around to school and play dates? Doesn't it seem like last year you were having your first kiss? Or is your high school reunion really coming up already? And you were just holding your newborn, so they can't already be one, right? Where does the time go? And what can we do to slow it down? Or freeze a few moments so they can last just a bit longer...

I know what time is... How many seconds are in a minute, how many minutes are in an hour, how many hours are in a day, how many days are in a week, how many weeks there are in a year. I know how old I am. I remember most of the years that got me to this point in my life. I know how time works. I get it; I really do. It just feels like everything melts together... Time literally flies... It escapes me before I know what is happening...

But to me, nothing signifies the passing of time like watching your children grow up...

Last night I was looking through "old" photo albums and pictures on facebook and I stumbled upon pictures of my little girl when she was just turning one, and then ones of her still sucking her pacifier at two, and then came the big smiles and the curls in her hair. It honestly made me sad; happy, but sad. How did time get away from me that fast? When did my little baby girl become 5?

I remember the day Amelia was born. I was anxious. I was hoping that she would wait until her due date because  08.08.08 would be the coolest, and easiest, birthday ever. I thought I was ready, but truth was I didn't know what to expect. Her birth was surprisingly easy; don't get me wrong, the contractions hurt like hell. But, I sat in the shower, most of my pain went away, I pushed for an hour and there she was. Blonde hair and blue eyes. Definitely not what I expected, but so beautiful and perfect. Chris and I created the most amazing human being and she was all mine; my daughter.

Those first few months were HELL... I got the baby blues so bad. I cried... a lot. I was scared to be left alone with a baby by myself. I didn't sleep enough. I was worried I was doing everything wrong. I was overwhelmed. But seeing her face, and her finally sleeping through the night and getting on the right formula, made it all worth it.

Before I knew it, she was smiling and getting teeth. She was laughing and exploring the world around her. She was commando crawling like a champ. She turned one and shortly after started walking. It was the most amazing, crazy, unexpected year of my life, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Two flew by with more milestones passed. Three came out of nowhere. Four was fun because we got to go to Disney and I was pregnant with my second child. And now, here we are at five... FIVE!

Gone are the chubby cheeks and arms with rolls. Gone are the precious, laughable first word mistakes, like "skissors" for scissors. Gone are the toothless smiles. Gone are the baby giggles. Gone are so many first milestones... I can never get those first five years back. All I have to preserve them are photos, memories, and a few precious videos.  

Now my daughter is almost done being a kindergartner! She has survived her first bus ride. She accomplished her first homework assignment. She had a blast at her first school birthday party. She tackled her first trip through the hot lunch line. She trooped it out with her class on her first field trip. She learned to love her first elementary school teacher. She did it. And again all I have are memories and photos... Time has passed by too fast again.

And with this amazing past year, I gained something just as prized as my baby girl; I have a handsome, happy baby boy...

This time last year, I was just about ready to have an ultrasound telling me if I was going to have a boy or a girl. Well, my little guy wanted the world to know he was all boy because that ultrasound was very telling... I could prepare for my baby shower. I could look at the boy's section of the store and gush over the fact that I didn't have to buy all pink anymore (THANK GOODNESS!). I was going to have a little boy and I was over the moon.

I remember the day of John's birth too... Which is good, because it was just over six months ago... My water broke at about 9:30 at night and John was born at 11:40 on the dot.... I was now a proud parent of a boy and a girl; an official mom of two! But with John's birth came the realization that time would pass by even more...

It feels like just yesterday I was holding this tiny, sweet smelling newborn, so he can't already be almost seven months, can he? But, the smiling, the laughing, the babbling, the first foods, a first (and second growing in) tooth, and scooting on the floor are all indications that once again, six precious months are gone. I have just a few videos, so many pictures, and amazing memories to capture the time that has flown by too fast.

I don't feel old enough to have been married for seven years and to have two healthy, beautiful children. But I am. I'm 27. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up next year. Amelia is about to complete kindergarten. John is going to be crawling before I know it. So much to look forward to, but so much to be missed...

Time passing is such a crazy concept... We watch the days crawl by and see the years flash before our eyes. We are a year older. Our children are a year older. We learn lessons that we won't repeat in the future. We reminisce about decades past. We anticipate future moments, whether they are weddings, upcoming births, or just a good time out. We wish we could go back in time to have one more second with a loved one. We wish we could look into the future and see if we are headed on the right "path". Time either goes by too fast or too slow.

But what I have learned from watching my children grow up (and I sound like my kids are turning 30 and having their own babies...), is that time goes by way too fast. What is five years seems like five seconds. You can't ever get back that loved one. You can't ever experience that first smile or first step again. And the future is always uncertain. So time should be spent living in the moment. Always say, "I love you", one more time. Always give that one quick kiss, even if it means making you a little late. Always stand at the door and wave good-bye to your children on the bus, even if it embarrasses the heck out of them. Always take the time. Because you never know when you won't have the time anymore.