A few years ago I got a tattoo with one of my best friends. It was my birthday present to her and also a gift to myself. It's a phrase that we continually say to one another; whenever we are upset, or happy, or when something doesn't happen quite the way we expected. We have been saying the same thing to one another through life's ups and downs for ten years. In fact, we believe in the phrase so much that we got the tattoo inked on our forearms so we could see it everyday as a reminder to ourselves; as a way to get through all those moments that we couldn't understand.
Over the past two years, I have looked at this tattoo numerous times. It's gorgeous. The script is elegant. It makes me feel like I have someone on my side no matter what, even if they aren't by my physical side. Whenever I am upset, I just have to look at my arm and suddenly a big problem doesn't weigh as much as it did moments before. It's become a mantra that I have chanted through my mind when I faced a difficult day at work, when my family was entering uncharted territory, and when I just couldn't figure out a "good enough" answer. It's provided a lot of comfort...
Until recently...
Recently, I was faced with an easy decision and an impossible outcome. It was a situation that will forever stay with me. One that will influence my career and personal decisions in the future. One that makes me feel heartbroken and hollow on the inside. One that I never thought I would be directly affected by. A situation that I had heard about and thought, "That would never happen to me" or "I would never have to play that big of a role". A situation that I want to simultaneously erase from my mind and permanently hold onto with all my might.
It's something that makes me think the quote on my arm is wrong...
Maybe not wrong. But maybe it's not as big of a saving grace as I thought it was. Maybe I held onto the concept of the quote with such reverence that I never questioned what would happen when I couldn't find an answer. I guess I never understood the power thoughts and words could hold over someone. What would happen if the words weren't strong enough to hold up to my expectations? What if instead of making me stronger, they made me weaker? What if they made me hold life's questions up to an unattainable answer?
What happens when your beliefs crumble?
My whole life I have believed in a few concepts that I refuse to let go. Concepts that I have learned through hard life lessons and personal experiences that influenced the steps I took towards my personal and professional lives. These concepts have been proven true to me time and time again by the actions of others and myself. Although they may not be the beliefs of others, I still firmly believe in them...or at least I did...
One concept is regret.
Regret is a wasted emotion. Or perhaps it's a wasted state of living. Regretting a decision, words spoken, or actions taken cannot change the past. Life doesn't move backwards. No day is the same. Therefore, living with regret will only eat up your future. It will only negatively impact your outlook on life, the relationships you weave on a daily basis, and the internal thoughts that course through your mind throughout the day. Regret only leads to hurt. It doesn't make you a better person. Living through the impacts of your actions, words, and thoughts are the only thing that can be changed. Moving on from what occurred and trying to be a better person the next time is the only way to combat those negative emotions associated with regret. Changing the future is easy; you just have to try.
Another concept is that people don't change.
Although this may be a controversial thought, it's still one that I firmly believe. People don't change, they only become more of who they were or they substitute their emotions/actions/thoughts for another idea. For example, in my last post, I discussed how I am proud of myself. I have become more outspoken, I have learned to love myself, and I have succeed in my professional and personal goals. That doesn't mean I am a different person or that I have changed. It means that I had all that potential and never acted upon it. It means that I let myself become more of who I truly am on the inside. Or let's think about the concept of people never changing in terms of addiction. I believe an addict can quit and they can turn their life around and become better at living. But, often they replace that addiction with another one. Perhaps it's "GOD", or the Steps Program, or smoking, or eating, or becoming healthy, or even adding a new relationship to the mix. Plus, the addiction is always there. It is a struggle they constantly deal with. I commend those who have recovered because it's not an easy thing to do. And many people fail at trying to overcome their addictions. But deep down, there is always that addictive personality. That need for something more. I know because I also have an addictive personality. I have been around addicts my entire life. I've seen their struggles and the outcomes of those struggles. I get it. But, bottom line: people don't change. We just see who they really are or they show us.
But now, I doubt myself. Maybe my beliefs aren't that strong.
One situation can change your entire outlook on life. It can leave lasting impressions. It can make you doubt your chosen path and the future. One situation can lead to so much more. It can make you look at the power of words and thoughts and question how much power should be given to those concepts. One situation.
One situation has made me look at the quote on my arm and question everything. I don't have the answers anymore. Looking down at my arm is not the solution it once was...
The quote on my arm reads:
"Everything happens for a reason"
Writing is good for the soul and my soul can speak volumes.
