"Lost time is never found again"
- Benjamin Franklin
A few days ago I had the opportunity to go back into my classroom. I walked in the doors of my school with a mask on. At a designated time. Under strict guidelines. The halls were quiet. They were dark. There were only a few cars in the parking lot. Even less people in the building. There were no social gatherings in the hallway. No chatter of children at my doorway. Teachers were not waving "good morning" to one another from down the corridor. It was empty. Then I walked into my classroom and turned on the lights. As I looked around my classroom, I realized that I was literally walking back in time. Time stopped in my classroom on March 12th.
Our family board was filled out with the last books we read and our "Quote of the Day" from a student. The calendar was flipped to March on both my teacher board and the classroom calendar board. The student's name tags were still half on "home" and half on "school". The centers were a mess; like the children were just going to walk right back in and pick up where they last left off in the "hair salon" for Dramatic Play or like they were going to look at objects through a magnifying glass in Science. The cubbies were overflowing with clothes and jackets left behind and waiting for their owners. The walls were littered with artwork; vibrant and bright and waiting to be admired. Those same walls also held flyers for events, long since canceled because of the Covid-19 restrictions.
Time stood still. It stopped in my classroom on March 12th.
That's when my eyes filled with tears and I asked myself, "Is this real life?"
Covid-19 stole so much from my classroom and my students. It stole learning time. It stole bonding time. It stole valuable field trips and memories. It stole the last few months from my kindergarten students and the bright futures of extended early learning from my newest learners. It stole family relationships that were just becoming solidified. It stole program-wide events and teacher solidarity. It stole friendships and social interactions filled with laughter, and sometimes, tears. It stole comfort, security, and warmth right from their little souls and right from the hollowed halls of the school building. Covid-19 stole so much from my classroom and my students.
And everyday it steals a little bit more from my family and myself.
Covid-19 stole the last few months of my daughter's elementary school from her. Valuable social time and time with teachers she grew to know over the past seven years. It stole crucial learning time and fun end of the year activities that she spent seven years looking forward to. It stole field trips and endless memories. It stole time and learning from my son too. It stole his budding new friendships and hours spent on the playground just being a kid. It stole one-on-one teacher time that was giving him so much confidence in what he was able to understand. It stole his field trips and play opportunities too. It stole the last year him and his sister were ever going to be in school together. It stole so much from their educational experiences.
But, it stole more than their learning and social interactions.
Covid-19 stole their confidence. It stole their willingness to continue with learning at home. It stole their comfort in daily routines. It stole their emotional well-being. It stole their interactions with grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends, and so acquaintances. It stole family vacations and trips to the grocery store. It stole their belief in the ease of life. It stole hours from their day.
Because as stay at home orders are lifted, I realized that Covid-19 has given us some things too.
Covid-19 has given my son nightmares and social anxiety. Social distancing parties over the weekend led to sleeping in mom and dad's bed because he "felt bad for being around people". Time spent around others has now turned into hours to warm up to people he has known his whole life. It has caused second glances and hand holding in public when others are "too close". My daughter has received gifts from Covid-19 too. Her gifts come in the form of anxiety and isolation. Social distancing is more manageable but talking to friends on phone calls and through video chats is increasingly difficult to reinforce. Time is spent away from family, reading and talking to her dolls. Sleep comes at midnight when it used to be 9:30. She is constantly feeling "lazy" or "bored" or "sad" or "lost". Thank you Covid-19 for those gifts. My children were already struggling before you put those extra burdens upon them.
But, not all of isolation has been bad. Covid-19 has brought us some good too.
Covid-19 brought us a healthier lifestyle. We walk every single day as a family for over a mile; sometimes hiking, sometimes just enjoying the sunshine. I hike an additional two to three miles and I can feel my heart, and calf muscles, getting stronger. Covid-19 brought us family movie nights. We alternate between kid favorites and new movies; sometimes throwing in movie popcorn and candies to make it a theater experience. Covid-19 has allowed us to do some home renovations that include a LARGE garden in the front yard, a redesign of my daughter's room, and a remodel of the kid's play spaces. Covid-19 has also brought us a renewed sense of family and showed us the value of reaching out to others. I now understand how important those around me truly are; how important they are to my sanity and my well-being. I will NEVER take time with loved ones for granted again.
Mostly though, Covid-19 has brought a halt to time...
Because as Benjamin Franklin said, you can't find lost time. There will be no reliving the final moments of preschool for my students. There will be no sixth grade do-overs or graduations. There will be no more first grade opportunities. There will be no more made-up family vacations or re-done celebrations. Those moments cannot be made up again. Time is forever lost from these past few months.
And that makes me so sad.
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