More Than...

I feel like there comes a time in everyone's life where there is an over-abundance of "baby announcing" going on. Every time you turn around, a family member, a co-worker, a past classmate, a friend...someone is announcing they are pregnant. There is a shower to attend every other weekend or you are helping to plan a shower. You have to go see so-and-so at the hospital because his/her baby was just born. Babies R' Us, Buy Buy Baby, and Target become like second homes. It feels like everyone is having a baby.

I have officially reached that point in my life.

In the past year alone, both my sister-in-law and I have given birth, a family friend has given birth, a close friend has announced her pregnancy, my sister is going to be a mom for the second time around, my husband's cousin is due to give birth any day, and several past classmates have either given birth or are soon going to be giving birth. I have gone to so many showers, have been shopping at Babies R' Us like it's my job, and received countless birth announcements in the mail that it's gotten to the point where it's almost comical. I feel like this time in my life is "the baby boom".

Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy for these people. They all deserve to experience the joy of becoming a mom or dad for the first time. And a lot of them have been there to support me throughout my two pregnancies and my children's lives. It's truly amazing that so many people are reaching this special time in their lives. Plus, babies are adorable. Who doesn't like to hold a newborn and smell their sweet baby scent?!

What does bother me are the inevitable things that people say at those showers, in the hospital, or while visiting a newborn baby. I can't count on two hands, or both my feet, how many times I have heard the saying, "Enjoy your time with each other now because once the baby is here, you aren't going to get a moment alone." Or "Say goodbye to all your freedom". Or my personal favorite, "Your time with friends and going out is over once the baby comes".

All of these sayings make me so angry and to be honest, I can't help but judge the people who say them, just a little bit.

First, the parents-to-be are trying to enjoy this time in their lives. They are overjoyed to be given the blessing of having a baby. They cannot wait to hold their newborn. To whisper sweet nothings in their ears. To shower their little ones with kisses and hugs and love. To finally add the title of mom and dad to their names. It's a beautiful time. And here these people go, spouting off that their life is going to be ruined once the baby comes. That it's going to change so much that who they are now will be unrecognizable. Just let the new parents be happy. They have an idea of how life is going to change once they add a little one to the mix. They have accepted that. Let them soak in every moment and praise and "Congratulations" they can get. It's their right and it's what is going to make them happy and be able to welcome their sweet baby into the world with open arms and open hearts.

But, secondly, and most importantly, just because you are a parent, or are becoming a parent, doesn't mean that who you are and what you do is going to be forgotten. Sure life changes drastically the second you give birth. You are now responsible for a tiny, human life. This child before you is going to rely on you, and your partner, to be the sole provider of their health, happiness, and nutrition. They cannot do anything for themselves; it's up to you to feed them, change them, clean them, dress them, and teach them about the world around them.

Those first six weeks or so are rough. Babies don't sleep on a regular schedule so you have to adjust your schedule to accommodate them. You have to wake up at all hours of the night and day to feed and change them. You have to take them to frequent doctor's visits. You have to find the balance of what diapers work best and how to breastfeed or what formula is going to sit well in your baby's stomach. You have to learn what makes your baby happy. And you have to do all of this while healing from the process of giving birth, managing work, keeping yourself (or spouse or other children) fed, doing the laundry, and having a somewhat liveable, clean house. It's exhausting. Your hormones are all over the place. You don't get enough sleep. It's a beautiful time because you have this amazing new life in your world. But it's also a lot to handle; it's a big adjustment.

But even with such a big adjustment to your life, just because you are a mom or dad, that doesn't mean that that is all you are. That everything else you were before, or everything you can be in the future, ceases to exist. It also doesn't mean that just because you are a mom or dad, your social life goes away...

I became a mom for the first time at young age; I got pregnant at 20 and gave birth at 21. Which means when all my friends were at college, or partying it up for their 21st birthdays, I was carrying around a significant baby belly and prepping for becoming a mom. Which was totally fine with me. But it was obviously a very different life than what my friends were living and it was incredibly hard to find time to make those two worlds mesh together. Even when I became a mom to my little boy, I was 26 and most of my friends weren't even married yet. Some of them weren't even engaged or dating someone regularly. And here I was once again meshing two different worlds together in order to find a balance between motherhood and having a social life. It was hard and to be honest, it's still hard.

But, I want to be so much more than a mom...

Being a mom is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I still find it odd to believe that the well-being and happiness of two tiny humans is my responsibility. I carried them around in my belly. I've been there to kiss away every tear and share in every smile. I have cared for them when they are sick. I have taught them how to be independent. I help my daughter with homework. I play with my son and watch him master a new skill every day. They are sweet, and beautiful, and kind, and smart, and perfect. I am so proud of who they are and that they call me mom. It is my biggest responsibility and my greatest joy to be a mom. I would drop anything and do anything for them in a heartbeat. They will always come first for me.

But, I want to be so much more than a mom...

I want to have a career and be an educator. It's why I went back to school. It's why I applied for a job recently. I want to educate children. I want to inspire them to be so much more than they can dream of. I want to provide a good foundation for their schooling and for life. I want to be a role model to them. I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl and I am still chasing my dream.

But, I want to be so much more than a teacher...

I want to be a student. I want to go back to school and earn my Bachelors degree. I want to eventually earn my Masters. I want to educate myself as much as I can so I can always be up-to-date on educational issues that are facing students, schools, and the government. I want to soak in all the knowledge I possibly can so that I have more opportunities in my field of work. I love the idea of learning and being in the classroom. I actually love school and being a student makes me happy. Even if I don't always love the work that goes along with it.

But, I want to be so much more than a student...

I want to be a writer. My ideal career is to be a preschool or Kindergarten teacher. But, my passion has always been writing. I love to read. I soak in all the books I can. Young adult, romance, fiction, non-fiction, biographies, religious texts, everything. Whatever I can get my hands on, I read. I have always envied those who can create an elaborate world and inspire millions of people to buy their books and fall in love with their characters. But, I suck at that. I cannot create memorable characters or distinct worlds that people can actually imagine themselves in. What I can do is write about myself and my life experiences. I think that's the only thing I'm actually good at writing. Which is a little vain, but I'll go with it. I love to write. It releases a lot of stress and when people actually give me good feedback, it fuels my hunger for writing even more.

But, I want to be so much more than a writer...

I want to have fun. I want to have a social life. I love going out and having drinks with my friends. I love being able to lounge around the house and have silly days with those I love. I love going out dancing. I love heading out to concert every once in a while. I enjoy being able to go to the casino and waste a few bucks on the slots. It's nice to be able to step away from my everyday life of being a responsible parent to just having fun with friends or family. I don't want to be the "boring" mom. The one who goes to bed at 8 every night. Who has the same routine everyday. Who doesn't go out with her friends. Whose sole companionship is her husband and her kids. I would literally go crazy if that was me. You need close friends who you can be silly with, who you can vent to, who you can just relax with. I need that. I enjoy that.

I want to be so much more than a mom.

I feel like once you become a mom, everyone sees you as someone different. They think that just because you have a baby and a family, you can't go out and have a drink. They think that you don't have the time to go to a concert with them. They think that you can't go out and do all the things that they are doing. All because you have added a new person to your life and a title to your name. But, that's not true.

You can be so much more than a mom or a dad. Just like you can be more than a friend. More than an uncle or an aunt. More than what your career is. You don't have to be just one single thing. Just because you are a mom doesn't mean that you can't go out and have fun. It doesn't mean that you don't have friends anymore. It doesn't mean that you forget everything that existed before you had a baby. Some parents do this. And if that is what makes them happy, then fine. That's their thing. But, it doesn't have to be that way if you don't want it to be.

You may have to rearrange your plans for the night. You may have to say no to a couple get-togethers. You may have to make sure you have a babysitter for the night before you say yes to a friend. But, you don't have to be just a mom or just a dad. You can be the best mom or dad you can be and still be a friend, and have a career, and do whatever you feel passionate about.

So, the next time someone says, "Oh, you're having a baby. Kiss your freedom good-bye," tell them to shove it. Because you don't have to say good-bye to your freedom or your friends or who you want to be. You can be so much more than a mom.

I know I want to be so much more.