Naked Truths

Most people know that I am avid book reader. In fact, I have posted two blogs about my favorite books and authors. I have met one of my favorite authors (Jodi Picoult) last year. I enter contests daily on Goodreads to win free books and to keep track of my yearly reading progress. I cannot devour books fast enough and my book list is never ending. But, this blog isn't about books.

It is about a concept that I recently read in one of my new favorite books.

Colleen Hoover is one of my favorite authors and people. She is hilarious. She gives back to charity. And I love the subject of her stories; they are heartbreaking, gut wrenching, and romantic. Colleen recently published a book titled It Ends With Us, which I have read three times since it released in August. One of my favorite parts about the book is the concept of "naked truths".

Naked truths (as explained by the main character and consequently Colleen Hoover) are the truths that people are afraid to say outloud. They are the thoughts that we keep to ourselves because we fear what others might say or feel in response to our words. Throughout the book, naked truths are spoken. About how the characters feel when they first meet, their relationships with their families, their emotions throughout their own relationship. It's what makes the main characters unique and what dictates their entire relationship.

I love the idea of naked truths.

Why don't people speak their mind more often? Why is it so hard to admit what you really want to say? If you are cheating on your significant other, why not just say so? Why not admit that there was a problem in your relationship in the first place? It would certainly stop a lot of the heartbreak, anger, and doubt that ensues. If you are mad or uncomfortable with a co-worker, why not just say so? Isn't the point of having co-workers to learn from one another and accept constructive criticism? If you are frustrated at a family member about their actions, why not just tell them? It would create a stronger relationship and allow you to move past the petty feelings. Why can't we all just say our naked truths and move on?

Perhaps it's because the most naked truths we have to say are the ones that are hardest to admit. Maybe you don't want to admit that you failed at your relationship along the way. Or maybe it's because you have been together so long that you realize that you don't have that much in common anymore. Or maybe you have become different people and you just aren't headed in the same direction anymore. But ultimately, it's because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. It's heartbreaking (and more than a little awkward) to say that you don't find someone attractive anymore or that you have a completely different view on life that no longer involves them. Or it could be that you are too afraid to start over. Giving up a relationship means having to start over again; finding your own space, finding a new outlook on life, trying love again, and knowing that the whole dynamic of your family will have to be different. Change is scary and sometimes it's easier to leave a naked truth unsaid.

Perhaps you don't want to admit your naked truth because it would create tensions that make you uncomfortable. Most places of employment require you to interact with someone on a daily basis. If you admit that you don't respect what they are doing or that you think they need to change, it might hurt their feelings. Or they might grow defensive. And then you have an ugly work situation to deal with. One that might end up with you as the source of gossip or even worse, fired. Not being able to predict the future is scary and therefore, it's easier to leave a naked truth unsaid.

Perhaps you know that a naked truth will leave someone with a hard to face reality. Families are complicated. Although you may be related to someone, that doesn't mean you agree with their personality or their point of view regarding life or even their work ethic. Perhaps saying your naked truth to them might mean that your whole family dynamic changes. Grudges are kept, tensions run high, and regret is a bitter taste on your tongue. Being honest and going against your support system is scary and therefore, it's easier to leave a naked truth unsaid.

Last year I learned that if I kept quiet, I would slowly destroy who I was as a person and as an educator. I let someone else dictate my feelings and I refused to be an active participant. I promised myself one year ago, that I would no longer be an innocent bystander. And I wasn't. I spoke up about the injustices I felt at work. I was more honest to my family members and friends. In fact, I just wrote an e-mail to one of my professors about a subjective question on a test. I have slowly become more vocal and I truly appreciate the person I have become.

But that doesn't mean it's any easier to say a naked truth. In fact, I leave a lot of naked truths unsaid.

Naked truths require you to step outside of your boundaries. To take a leap of faith and hope that your relationship with someone doesn't (or does, depending on the situation) change drastically. It means that you have to admit that you don't agree with someone and know that they might have something to say, which you don't want to hear. It means that you have to break a few hearts, disregard someone else's feelings, and know that your life could change forever. Naked truths mean that you have to admit something out loud and not know what could unfold.

I know that some people will read this and think that they are honest and that they do admit their naked truths. And I'm sure that these beliefs might be true to some extent. But to be honest, some of the people that I have known to say that they are "honest with everyone" and that they "speak their mind all the time" or admit "I told so-and-so this" are the ones who hold back the biggest naked truths. They are the ones who admit one thing, but then twist the truth in their favor. They aren't honest with the people who truly matter; their significant others, their family members, their loved ones, their co-workers. They are the ones who become the gossip queens (or kings). They are the ones who hold back the most. Because it's scary to admit to those who are closest to you that you don't respect their practices, that you disagree with their opinions, or that your point of view is vastly different than theirs. Naked truths are ugly and scary and bold. And most people are not as bold as they think they are or as bold as they want to be.

Today I admitted a big naked truth to someone and it hurt like hell. It meant that I had to admit that I was a failure at something. That life wasn't going to turn out the way I had predicted. It made me realize that I would have to start over. Naked truths are ugly and today I finally realized that naked truths can't be left unsaid because they just lead to more hurt and false promises.

So, I challenge you (if I even have any readers) to admit one naked truth. Tell someone you truly care about or someone who you see on a daily basis how you feel. It's going to be hard and it's going to be ugly. In the end, it might change the weight on your shoulders. It might change the dynamic of your relationship. It might end in an unexpected way. But, it will make the next naked truth you admit a little easier to stomach.

Although this post was meant to be incredibly serious, I would like to admit a few ridiculous naked truths to get the ball rolling:

1. When I'm in public and I fart, I blame it on my kids because I find it extremely uncomfortable to admit that I was the one who passed gas.

2. I eat food off the floor after more than five seconds, but only if it's in my own home. (P.S. Fun fact, the five second rule is non existent. The food is dirty the second it hits the floor. Thank-you Myth Busters).

3. I judge people by their bumper stickers on their cars. (Hint, if you have an "I love Trump" or "Make America Great Again" sticker on your car, I am SERIOUSLY judging you).