It's So Easy to Think of All the "I Don'ts"...

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It turns a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."  - Melody Beattie

In a world where technology is at our fingertips, where wants and demands are turned into reality with the click of a button, and where results are expected before the work, it's easy to lose sight of the right now. It's so easy to think of all the "I don'ts..."

"I don't have enough money"

"I don't have enough time"

"I don't have enough supplies for my teaching budget"

"I don't have any plans this weekend"

"I don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband"

"I don't have enough healthy days"

But, what about all the "I dos..."

"I do have enough money to put food on the table"

"I do have enough time to work and spend part of my day with my family"

"I do have a job that provides me with a career and an income"

"I do have time to relax and learn to enjoy life"

"I do have friends and people around me that bring joy to my life"

"I do have enough healthy days where I can walk and breathe without assistance"

In a world where there is a huge push to get the bigger and better luxuries in life, it's so easy to lose sight of all the pieces of life that are often taken for granted. And I have to admit, I am one of those people who is constantly focused on what I don't have.

I always think if I had more money, then I can take a vacation with my family. If I had more time, then I could get another five tasks accomplished. If I had more supplies and support for my classroom, then I can provide a better education for my students. If I had plans for the weekend, then I could keep myself busy and entertain my children with amazing sights. If I had a perfect relationship with my husband, then we could have date nights all the time. If I had a better immune system, them I wouldn't feel so crappy all the time and I could do so much more. 

It's so easy for me to think of all my flaws; all the imperfections that could be improved upon with just the slightest of changes.

I am the type of person who automatically assumes the worst when my boss calls me in for a meeting ("Oh great, I am going to be fired"). I am the type of person who thinks all my friends hate me when they don't text back right away (when I am literally the worst communicator in the world). I am the type of person who walks into a quiet room and I feel like the room went silent because they were all talking about me. I have an ingrained sense of negativity in my head and that habit is so hard to break.

But it is a habit that I am working on everyday to change.

That's why this year I have tried different methods for self-care; to change my perspective. I have tried floating (a sensory-deprivation experience that is a natural detoxification for your mind and body). I have tried blogging more regularly (an ongoing process). I have tried bullet journals (an oddly therapeutic form of writing and drawing that keeps track of your daily habits and mental well-being). And I have tried therapy (which is a difficult process for many reasons). But most importantly, I have tried to counteract my thoughts with positive ones.

"Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you have."

Instead of thinking of all the negative aspects of my life, I have learned to incorporate a little bit of gratitude into my life. I use in-the-moment techniques to change my thought process, along with grounding techniques to make myself stop and think of the reality of the moment. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. Like I said, I am trying and turning negative behavior into a positive is really hard.

But here are 3 things I am grateful for and my gratitude moment of the day. Because life is full of too much hate and sadness. Because it's so easy to lose sight of the moment. And because it's so easy to think of all the "I Donts..."

I Am Grateful For...

• A Person
• In this case, I am grateful for my daughter. Although I love everyone in my life and I value who is around me, it is my daughter who reminds me of what being a warrior looks like. This past year, my daughter was diagnosed with ADD and social anxiety and I was devastated. Not because she had two diagnosis-es, but because I had to watch her struggle. I listened to tears over homework and watched her fidget without absorbing any information. I heard her silence and watched her seclusion into her room. I witnessed her refusing to talk about difficult situations; being bullied, my brother's death, and adjusting to school routines. I watched her change her entire personality and it made me so sad; I felt like I was to blame because I had my own anxieties and because I couldn't help her. But despite her pain, she still found moments to smile. She still went to school each day. She still got help from the school social worker. She still went to therapy. She still played with her family. She still tried. Day after day, she tried. I am so grateful to have a resilient child who can overcome so much in such a short period of time.
• Opportunity
•  I am grateful for the opportunity to get promoted at work and earn equitable pay. I am a hugely passionate teacher. All teachers say this, but honestly, I felt like I was meant to be a teacher in the exact location where I work. I feel as though early childhood education is both incredibly rewarding and incredibly heartbreaking. You face the criticism of being a "babysitter", the stigma of not having certification like "real teachers", and you deal with tiny humans who have never experienced school before. Young children have so many emotions that they are incapable of handling without understanding adults to nurture who they are and to show them how to react to situations. Furthermore, the rates at which young children are being diagnosed with learning disabilities and delays is terrifying. But, over the course of my (albeit short) career, I have learned how to establish a social-emotional curriculum, how to tone-down the loud environmental colors and sounds to create a soothing environment, and to find my voice to be an advocate for young children. This was one of my toughest teaching years yet; I faced moving classrooms, children who were struggling with personal and educational difficulties, and unstable working conditions. But, it was also my most rewarding. I was able to apply for a Lead Teacher position and accept that role with the promise of equitable pay. I was able to use my degree to show how much I have accomplished academically and I was able to use my past accomplishments to showcase how I have grown as a teacher. I am so grateful to have found a career I am passionate about and to have been recognized for my hard work.
• Experience
• I am grateful for the fact that each year, my family has experienced breath-taking vacations. This past year, I was incredibly fortunate to go to Disney with my little family and my nephew (along with a few other cherished family members). Driving through the gates of Magic Kingdom and hearing the cheers and sounds of elation from my children and nephew brought tears to my eyes. To see and hear their joy was a moment that I will cherish forever. I am a Disney person at heart and I would gladly visit there every single year as a solo adult or with my family. But to live first moments with children at Disney is magical; to see them meet their crushes (Minnie Mouse for my son), their heroes (BB8 for my daughter), and their childhood favorites (Mickey Mouse for my nephew) was incredible. To hear them talk about how special each ride was or how interesting each show was or to hear about the "best trick-or-treating" ever is hard to describe and impossible to forget. I was also lucky enough to visit the fresh mountain air of New Hampshire through the incredibly kindness of my aunt. We were able to see breath-taking mountain views, wander through dark mountain roads, and hike through lush, green landscapes. And through it all, we also got to watch the joy of exploring Christmas in July and enjoyed the pleasure of watching fairy tales and nursery rhymes come to life. A short weekend was full of a lifetime of memories and unforgettable firsts. I am so grateful for moments with my family and for the ability to explore new places.

"Interrupt anxiety with gratitude."

It's so easy to get lost in the "I Don'ts". It's so easy to let the negative thoughts take residence inside your head. And it's so easy to forget about all the perfects. But it takes just one positive thought to change your outlook. And it takes just one moment of gratitude to make the tough times seem easier.