Three Favorites

"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes... including you." - Anne Lamott

Often people, and more often women than men, are made to feel extreme guilt when they pause for a moment to take time for themselves. If a mother sits down while her kids are playing, she is asked why she isn't playing with her kids. If a woman stops to get her hair or nails done, she is made to question why she is spending money on her appearance. If a man ends his day by playing video games with his friends, he is made to wonder why he isn't doing household chores. If a celebrity takes a vacation, they are accused of being irresponsible and not working. Each and every individual is constantly put under a microscope by society and those around them, the second they stop and take time for themselves. But instead of judging, perhaps we should be thinking of the alternative to each situation.

Perhaps the mom who sat down while her kids are playing had just finished cleaning the house, serving dinner, and helping the kids with their homework; maybe it was the first time she sat down all day. Or maybe the woman who got her hair or nails done, finds that these simple pampering moments are the only times she is truly able to have quiet. The man who sat down to play video games? Maybe he worked all day in the hot sun, came home and did the dishes, and made sure the kids were in bed and that moment of playing video games was his way of destressing at the end of the night. And the celebrity who took a luxurious vacation just finished filming for 30 days straight and has just a few days off before resuming a busy schedule. What happens if we took a moment to think of the possibilities of each situation before passing judgement?

On my journey of finding true moments of self-care, I have realized the importance of taking time to recharge and "unplug"; how important it is to refuel my tank before filling anothers'. I have also realized how incredibly hard it is to stop feeling guilty for taking time for myself.

I am that mom who sits down while my kids are playing and who takes a trip to the nail salon every 2-3 weeks. And each time, I find myself "justifying" all the things that I did for that day or that week, to earn my time to sit and get my nails done. I calculate in my head how much housework I have done each day, how much time I have spent playing with my children and helping them work through their problems (both academically and emotionally), and how much I have done for others. I still feel incredibly guilty for spending $30 on getting my nails done because that $30 could go towards buying new clothes for my kids, adding a few extra school snacks to the grocery cart, or towards a savings account for a family vacation (or most importantly, paying for a bill). It makes me cringe each time I take a moment for myself because I know there is so much else that I can be doing with my time and my money...

BUT, aren't I worth it too? Isn't important for me to realize I am a KICKASS mom who supports her children every second of the day, regardless of whether I am physically playing with them at the moment or not. Isn't it important for me to realize I am an INCREDIBLE teacher who is constantly adapting my teaching style and implementing new strategies to help the students in my class succeed each day. Isn't it important for me to realize I am a HARD WORKING mama who makes sure the lunches are prepped and packed-up each day, who organizes and cooks family meals, and cleans the house each weekend on my "days off". Isn't it important for me to realize that I am capable and worthy of a moment of "unplugging" because I cannot constantly give without taking?

That is what self-care is all about; realizing your self-worth through moments of loving yourself and recognizing it's okay to take time to enjoy the things that give you peace, that help you work on becoming a "better" you. 

While it can be challenging, and while I still feel guilty for taking time for myself, I still try each day to engage in something that is just for me; something that allows me to destress and learn to love myself.

"Always go with your passions. Never ask yourself if it's realistic or not." - Deepak Chopra

"Always go with your passions". Although this quote most likely refers to career and personal life choices and journeys, I feel as though it is very fitting when applied to self-care. I think it is truly important to find something you are passionate about when finding time to pause and learn what you love and what makes you feel recharged. Why not take time doing something you love; something that makes you feel relaxed or takes you to a different place and time? 

This is where I started and lucky for me, I have "Three Favorites" that help me take time to myself and help me pause life for a little bit.

Reading:

There is something about the English language and the possibilities that are concealed inside a book that has always driven me to be a passionate reader. Starting from R.L. Stines' Goosebumps series to Ann M. Martin's Babysitter's Club and following through to my teenage years with Lurlene McDaniel's One Last Wish series and, again, R.L. Stine's Fear Street and continuing to my adult years where I have found suspense with Ruth Ware, love with Colleen Hoover, and twisted humor with Tarryn Fisher. Reading allows me to escape to a time and place that are not my own, or perhaps it is my own...

I found that my reading choices often reflect my current interests or moods. When I was younger I desperately wanted to be a teacher and babysitter; I always knew I loved being around children and working with them. Similarly, I read a lot of the Babysitter's Club books around this time and can now reflect, that these stories helped fuel my passion for pursuing my dreams. Additionally, I found Lurlene McDaniel when I was a bit older and struggled with the harshness of my brother's disease; McDaniel wrote incredibly moving stories about teens and children facing life-threatening medical issues, which I found relatable. None of my friends knew what I was going through but those books made me feel like my emotions and reactions were justifiable. A few months ago, I was battling with extreme anxiety and depression, and ended up reading several stories (Four Weeks, Five People and Turtles All the Way Down) that reflected how I felt when no one else was talking about mental health. There are also some days where I read suspense, thrillers, and love novels and perhaps there is or is not a reflection of what I feel in those, but they still help me escape my reality.

Reading is something that helps me sort through my own emotions, makes me feel like I am not alone in the way I deal with situations, and allows me to de-clutter my mind. 

Blogging:

Writing has always been a huge passion of mine. All of my school papers were always 2-3 pages over the "expected limit". I kept journals growing up, from the time I was a little girl just learning to write all the way through high school. As I got older, I realized typing was a lot faster (even though I love the smell of paper and the feeling of putting a pen to paper) and turned to Myspace (#throwback here) and eventually Blogger to write down all my thoughts. I liked the idea of being able to translate my feelings as fast as they came to my head and the idea of sharing those feelings with the world (or at least my small group of friends on social media sites). Hearing the outpouring of support for my writing and learning that I wasn't the only one who felt a certain way was such a relief.

Although my blogging has been relatively inconsistent in the past, I have always written down how I felt. I am not good at expressing my emotions, at letting others know when something is bothering me, or articulating how I process my thoughts. In fact, I am really good at keeping things bottled up inside until I either break-down or blow-up. But, writing is a great release for me; it is the only thing that I do when I feel anxious or when I feel as though something is weighing on my mind. It helps me process my emotions, it helps me understand the world around me, and it helps me learn. Through writing, I have adapted my language and literacy skills and have become a better writer, as well as a better communicator. 

Writing is my ultimate escape and if I could earn a living writing about myself, I would sign-up for that career in a heartbeat.

Make-Up/YouTube:

Okay, this one is an odd passion and one that I rarely discuss. But, growing up, I always watched my mom apply make-up; I was fascinated by what she kept in her make-up case and I used to lock myself in the bathroom and "experiment" with mixing the colors and creating new make-up (sorry mom!). Then I grew up and got acne and realized that make-up was much more than creating colors....

Somewhere in middle and high school, I developed a terrible self-image of myself; I constantly thought I was too fat, I thought my pimples were all anyone could see, and I thought others were  judging me for what I was wearing. I started wearing make-up to hide my flaws and I used to spend oodles of my money on clothes, pocketbooks, and shoes so I could feel better about what I portrayed to the world. I liked to hide behind all the things I put on myself. And eventually that just made me feel worse.

While I am still working on my self-image (hence some of the self-care stuff), I realized that make-up can be fun and it can make me feel good about myself because I like the idea of "playing with make-up". This is how I found YouTube and the beauty community. Over the past several months, I have immersed myself in the YouTube channels of Jeffree Star, Jaclyn Hill, Manny MUA, Laure Lee (Los Angeles), Tati Westbrook, James Charles, and Thomas Halbert. I learned that beauty can be fun and beautiful and purposeful and these personalities made me laugh and de-stress each day. I recently learned how to sculpt my eyebrows and do a "cut crease" eye look and I am thrilled that I find fun in experimenting with different beauty looks.

Make-up and YouTube have shown me that I can still have a body-positive image while having fun and reducing the negativity, which has helped me grow as a person.

"So many years of education, yet nobody every taught us how to love ourselves and why it's so important."

Over coming the guilt of self-care is incredibly hard; it's a habit that we force upon ourselves and which society constantly reinforced upon us. However, it is also incredibly rewarding and important. It is essential to recognize that loving yourself and taking time to "unplug" is the only way you can recharge and refuel for those around you. It is simply not possible to be a mom who teaches her children to be strong, to be a supportive father who works hard for his family, or to be a working individual who enjoys those around themselves, without being able to love themselves first. Find your "Three Favorites" and stick with them.

Learn to stop the guilt, reinforce the love, and practice caring. It is so worth it and you are worth it too.