Life is...complicated.
And so is this blog post. If you are easily offended, stop reading. I am brutally honest about how I feel and I don't need any more judgements. So take this post with a grain of salt and I will do the same with your opinion.
Today I was watching a video about this young man who bought over $100 of McDonald's food and handed it out to homeless people in the area. When he ran out of food, he went to Rite Aid and purchased more food and drinks and handed them out too. It was a short video, but I was sobbing by the end of it. Not only for the man's kindness and how grateful those who received food were, but because I was astounded by the sheer amount of homeless people he found in the area. Young, old, men, women, children, various ages and races. I'm not naive, I know that there are homeless people in every state and in every country, but still, it makes you think.
What circumstances brought those individuals to live on the streets? How did they get to where they are now? How do they survive the elements and hunger? Will their lives change? Do they have family or friends?
It also makes me feel extremely blessed. I have a roof over my head, food on my table every night, and a family who loves and supports me. I have a job and money to spend. I have good friends. I am fortunate enough to be in school, which gives me the opportunity to better myself and earn a better living for my family. I am truly lucky.
But, life is complicated... It's not about "he has it tougher than me" or "my issues are more severe than that person's problems" or "this happened to me, so I am entitled to this". That's not the way life works.
Each of our problems are just as significant. We all have battles to fight and lose. We all have heartbreak and love. We all have obstacles that seem impossible to overcome. We all have moments where it's hard to place ourselves in another's shoes. Each of our emotions and struggles are valid.
Which is while even though that video touched me and made me feel grateful for all I have in my life, I still had a rough day. I am still experiencing situations that have no "one right answer". Even though I am not homeless and even though I have a great family, I still think life is complicated.
I feel...frustrated.
There are some situations in my life that I have absolutely no control over. It's impossible to watch someone you love struggle with everyday functions. It's heartbreaking to know that they cannot feed themselves or that they don't understand what is happening around them. It's difficult to know how quickly someone's personality and physical state have changed over the course of a few short years. Where you once remember them as lively, interactive individuals and now see them as people who are listless and have defeated spirits. It's so hard to put into words what you want to give them. You want them to remember who they are. You want them to be able to get up and walk out the door so they can experience independence on a different level. You want them to stop hurting. But, you can't take it away or change their circumstance.
You can't give them their strength back. You can't help them remember what they used to be like. You can't watch them walk out the door. You can't bring love into their lives when others aren't willing to look past their "differences". You can't breathe for them. You can't take away their pain. You can't walk for them. You can't help them understand when that function is gone. And you can't make others understand what they fight so hard to ignore.
I think that's even more frustrating. You see this person struggle day in and day out and some people just don't understand it. They aren't there to see the good and bad moments. They aren't there to see how little moments become huge struggles. They aren't there to see you pick someone up off the floor. They aren't there to see how someone has changed after a "setback". They take it all for granted. They don't understand how precious each good moment is or how the tough moments make you grateful for all you have. They don't understand how influential their phone calls, visits, or kind words can be.
I feel frustrated because I can't help others the way I want to and I can't make someone see how their actions are affecting those in their life.
I feel...hurt
I have always wanted to be a teacher. I used to collect worksheets and books from my elementary school teachers at the end of the year, so I could "play school" all summer long. I babysat growing up because I loved children and enjoyed seeing their faces light up when they learned something new. I observed the qualities of my favorite teachers to see how they became so qualified and beloved by their students. I applied to several teaching colleges and enrolled in a school that got me into a classroom my first semester of college. I volunteered at after school programs and in elementary classrooms as a teacher aide working with autistic students. I earned my Associates in Early Childhood Education. I applied for a part-time position and got a full-time position for the first teaching job I ever applied to. I went back to school for my Bachelors in Child Studies and will have my degree and early childhood/kindergarten certification in a few short months. I have a 3.98 GPA and recently got accepted to the Alpha Chi Honor Society. I attend professional development workshops to learn new teaching techniques. I truly love what I do and feel as though I can learn from every experience in my life: good or bad.
But, lately I am struggling to find my place. I feel as though one conversation and one person shifted my entire career and I feel...stuck. Every day I put in a 100%, I remain flexible, and I try so hard to bring new ideas and experiences into what I do. But, there are still people who take advantage of what I do and I feel like I have taken a huge step back. There are still people who have unfair opinions of who I am as a person and who don't consider what I have to say. There are still people who express their indifference towards me until they need a favor. I am trying to make the best of the situation that I was given, but it's hard when you fight every day to overcome opinions and judgements and instability. I feel hurt that I do what I can and it is still met with skepticism or unfair criticism.
I promised myself that I wouldn't let other people define who I am. And I don't. I speak up for myself more now than I ever did before and that has helped with some of the situations that I have faced. But, it still hurts that it's not good enough.
I feel...angry.
There are so many people who take advantage of the situations they are placed in. They don't realize how lucky they are to have that stability in their lives. They don't realize that they were placed into a situation for a reason and they are hurting those around them by not meeting expectations. They don't realize that everything from their attire to their demeanor to their expressions are interpreted by those around them; their actions have consequences. They go through life assuming they are owed something without putting the effort in to earn what they are seeking. They don't problem solve and they simply don't care. It makes me so angry that they don't see the opportunity that they are given and they take advantage of every situation. It makes me angry that there are a million people fighting for their position and they are throwing away what they are given.
Life is complicated. There are situations we cannot control. There are circumstances that have no "right answer". There are emotions that we struggle to define and understand. Life is not black and white; people are not good or bad. You don't know what others are struggling with and you don't know what motivates them to act a certain way. Their problems are not insignificant or more important than yours, they are just different. Each person has their own struggles and their own way of dealing with whatever life hands them. Life is complicated and so are human emotions.
Sometimes I just wish it wasn't so complicated...
Writing is good for the soul and my soul can speak volumes.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Sunday, January 24, 2016
These are a Few of My Favorite Things
Baking. Listening to Music. Blogging. Scrapbooking. These are a few of my favorite things. I'm not much of a cook, but I love to bake; my blueberry muffins and strawberry shortcakes are food-gasm worthy. Adele and Rascal Flatts speak to my soul. Writing is my favorite way to vent and organize my thoughts. Scrapbooking is how my creative talents emerge and how I preserve my memories. These are a few of my favorite things. However, there is something that I love more than all of these hobbies. Something that makes me feel like a world traveler, a teenager experiencing love for the first time, or a bystander with their heart ripped out because of some life-altering decision. Reading makes me feel like I do all of these things and more.
Reading is truly one of my passions; one that I wish I could have for a permanent job. In fact, I get insanely jealous of those people who make money and get free books from writing book blogs or making vlogs about their most recent reads. Reading opens the world to so many possibilities; depending on the type of book, stories can empower you, make you change your view of the world, laugh, cry, and everything in between. Sometimes when I am reading, the world just drifts away. It's my way to relax. It's how I fall asleep at night. It's how I gain insight into a world that, sometimes, makes no sense.
In fact, I love reading so much, that I have written about it on my blog before. I have met my favorite author, Jodi Picoult, and her daughter Samantha van Leer, at a book signing (with a picture to prove it)! I have communicated on Facebook with Colleen Hoover, Jennifer L. Armentrout, and G.A. McKevett. I have entered several book giveaways on goodreads and even won two books! I follow several book blogs and I am constantly looking for new books to add to my never-ending "to-be-read" list. I love to read! Which is why I have decided to combine two of my favorite things, reading and blogging, to create my "FAVORITE BOOKS of 2015 List"!
I read, and viewed videos, from book bloggers and authors alike, who created year-end favorite book lists and I decided to create one of my own. Although I read 60 "new books" (I reread several books as well) last year, there are a few that I felt incredibly passionate about. I narrowed the list down to four books; some of which released last year and some of which have been previously released and I just read them this past year. I should also go on the record saying that none of these authors have paid me to write these reviews; I just honestly love them and feel like the whole world should know about them!
The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah was one of my favorite books last year and it spent several weeks on the New York Times Best Sellers List. I picked up this book for two reasons; first, I won it in a giveaway on goodreads and second, the cover was too stunning to not enter the giveaway for! It's literally a beautiful book inside and out.
The Nightingale is a story of war, family, love, passion, courage, strength, and oppression. It draws you in from the moment you read the first page and keeps your attention with it's heartbreaking descriptions, witty language, and relatable tales. This story follows two sisters, Vianne and Isabelle, who became young women in France during World War II at the time of Hitler's reign. Although neither woman was a Jew, their lives were greatly intertwined with the Nazi regime; their father went to war and came back a changed man, the Nazi's invaded their home town, Vianne's best friend was Jewish, and Isabelle followed her passion and became a hero. Although both sister's personalities, and lives, went in opposite directions, they both found a way to cope with the war and become strong, independent women.
This book made me laugh, cry, and remember the bonds that I have with my own family and sister. I just couldn't put it down! In fact, I want to write so much more about this book, but then I would spoil it for you. But if you are interested in historical fiction or if you love to read about complex family dynamics and passionate love, then The Nightingale is the perfect book for you! If you do like a few spoilers, or if you have read the story already, then I do have a more indepth review on goodreads.
In continuing with the historical fiction theme, I would also like to write about The Book Thief by Markus Zusak which was actually released in 2006 and became a movie in 2013. Just as The Nightingale took place during World War II, this novel follows the Nazi's reign in Germany. Unlike the citizen of France, who had no choice but to follow Hitler's Mein Kampf, the citizens of Germany (like the ones of this story), were mostly proud to follow Hitler's doctrine. Everyone except for Liesel and her accordion-playing foster father. Liesel worships the ground her father walks on; she admires his passion, his dedication to his family, and his ability to speak his mind. With her father's strength, Liesel goes against the Nazi's regime in order to steal books. She bonds with her father over learning to read, she finds strength in their pages, and begins to realize that there is so much more to the war than what's beyond her front door. Liesel's present, and her father's past, soon start to entwine to create an intricate story of stolen books, heart-wrenching moments, and actions that cannot be forgotten.
This story's incredibly hard to describe because of its overall theme and its heartbreaking content. I feel in love with Liesel, her foster father, and her best friend Rudy. This book made me feel so many things and it made me cry. I think I honestly cried while reading the story, but I also cried for days after I completed reading it. It's heartbreaking for me to read anything related to the Holocaust because my family members lived it; my great great aunt was a survivor of a concentration camp who later lived with my father. I have spent my life hearing about stories of the survivors from Lithuania, reading historical fiction related to the war, and watching videos about the heartbreaking events from this time period. It fascinates me, but at the same time horrifies me. This book, and The Nightingale, capture all the heartbreak and courage of these countries and individuals and I cannot praise them enough!
Switching gears, another book that spent months on the Best Sellers List and is going to be turned into a movie, is The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. This psychological thriller follows the uneventful life of the perpetually drunk and bitter Rachel. Everyday Rachel drives the commuter train to and from work focusing on one particular house; that of a lovely couple who she has named "Jess and Jason". She imagines what their lives would be like; their passionate embraces, their beautiful faces, and their immaculate home. In fact, their house is located on the street where she once lived. One day though, Rachel sees something that changes the course of her life, and her thinking. Rachel becomes the center of a missing-person-turned-murder-investigation that involves the life of her ex husband, Tom, his new wife, Anna, and the mysterious "Jess/Jason" whose real names turn out to be Scott and Megan.
Honestly, I was reluctant to read this story because of its' comparisons to Gone Girl (which I am sorry to say, I HATED), but I read it as part of my "26 Book Challenge" because it was the "book everyone has read but me". It was slow to start, but the deplorable character drew me in. They were just average people; they were cheaters and drunks and liars. That could be a number of people that many of us know in real life. Their lives were interwoven in a way that kept me guessing right until the very end. Even though none of the characters "redeemed" themselves, it was a fascinating read and a much better psychological thriller than Gone Girl (which dragged on for me and whose ending was very anti-climactic). It's definitely worth picking up if you are a Law and Order or CSI fan.
The last book that I want to review is another thriller of sorts with a mysterious edge to it. Reconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight is a young adult novel full of intrigue, complex family relationships, and friendships that are impossible to understand. Reconstructing Amelia tells the tale of high school student Amelia who turns up dead on her private-high school's property. Her mother, Kate, is stunned after the police rule her death a suicide. Even though her and her daughter's relationship had become increasingly strained, she knows that her daughter would never commit such an act after being caught cheating. Her grief, along with an anonymous text about her daughter's death, leads her on a whirlwind investigation into her daughter's life that connects past relationships, high school bullies, and stunning revelations. This tale of the complexities of mother-daughter relationships and vicious rumors makes for an interesting, relatable read.
Although this book is aimed at young adult readers, I feel as though many people can relate to its' underlying issues. There were many secrets that I kept from my own mother during my teenage years that put various strains on our relationship. I experienced first hand how fast rumors could spread in high school and how vicious bullies could be. I knew what it was like to want to be part of the "in-crowd" and wanting to feel accepted. High school is a complex, sometime vicious, environment and I felt like this story highlighted the "all-too-real" truth of what its' inner-workings can be. It was well-written and definitely worth your time!
Those are my top books of 2015. Even though the list is incredibly short, I feel like each of these stories evoked strong emotions in myself and are stunning to read. They made me laugh, cry, and they made me mad; they literally took my breath away and I couldn't recommend them anymore. Please take a little time to read; maybe not these books. But anything. Reading is a great escape, a valuable learning tool, and incredibly important to our youth!
As a little side note, I would love to give a shout out to a person that I recently met and admire already. She is a published author and very kindly linked my blog on her page. Please take a moment to check out Monica Fowler! She is humble and an author that is next on my reading list. Here I come, More Than One!
Reading is truly one of my passions; one that I wish I could have for a permanent job. In fact, I get insanely jealous of those people who make money and get free books from writing book blogs or making vlogs about their most recent reads. Reading opens the world to so many possibilities; depending on the type of book, stories can empower you, make you change your view of the world, laugh, cry, and everything in between. Sometimes when I am reading, the world just drifts away. It's my way to relax. It's how I fall asleep at night. It's how I gain insight into a world that, sometimes, makes no sense.
In fact, I love reading so much, that I have written about it on my blog before. I have met my favorite author, Jodi Picoult, and her daughter Samantha van Leer, at a book signing (with a picture to prove it)! I have communicated on Facebook with Colleen Hoover, Jennifer L. Armentrout, and G.A. McKevett. I have entered several book giveaways on goodreads and even won two books! I follow several book blogs and I am constantly looking for new books to add to my never-ending "to-be-read" list. I love to read! Which is why I have decided to combine two of my favorite things, reading and blogging, to create my "FAVORITE BOOKS of 2015 List"!
I read, and viewed videos, from book bloggers and authors alike, who created year-end favorite book lists and I decided to create one of my own. Although I read 60 "new books" (I reread several books as well) last year, there are a few that I felt incredibly passionate about. I narrowed the list down to four books; some of which released last year and some of which have been previously released and I just read them this past year. I should also go on the record saying that none of these authors have paid me to write these reviews; I just honestly love them and feel like the whole world should know about them!
The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah was one of my favorite books last year and it spent several weeks on the New York Times Best Sellers List. I picked up this book for two reasons; first, I won it in a giveaway on goodreads and second, the cover was too stunning to not enter the giveaway for! It's literally a beautiful book inside and out.
The Nightingale is a story of war, family, love, passion, courage, strength, and oppression. It draws you in from the moment you read the first page and keeps your attention with it's heartbreaking descriptions, witty language, and relatable tales. This story follows two sisters, Vianne and Isabelle, who became young women in France during World War II at the time of Hitler's reign. Although neither woman was a Jew, their lives were greatly intertwined with the Nazi regime; their father went to war and came back a changed man, the Nazi's invaded their home town, Vianne's best friend was Jewish, and Isabelle followed her passion and became a hero. Although both sister's personalities, and lives, went in opposite directions, they both found a way to cope with the war and become strong, independent women.
This book made me laugh, cry, and remember the bonds that I have with my own family and sister. I just couldn't put it down! In fact, I want to write so much more about this book, but then I would spoil it for you. But if you are interested in historical fiction or if you love to read about complex family dynamics and passionate love, then The Nightingale is the perfect book for you! If you do like a few spoilers, or if you have read the story already, then I do have a more indepth review on goodreads.
In continuing with the historical fiction theme, I would also like to write about The Book Thief by Markus Zusak which was actually released in 2006 and became a movie in 2013. Just as The Nightingale took place during World War II, this novel follows the Nazi's reign in Germany. Unlike the citizen of France, who had no choice but to follow Hitler's Mein Kampf, the citizens of Germany (like the ones of this story), were mostly proud to follow Hitler's doctrine. Everyone except for Liesel and her accordion-playing foster father. Liesel worships the ground her father walks on; she admires his passion, his dedication to his family, and his ability to speak his mind. With her father's strength, Liesel goes against the Nazi's regime in order to steal books. She bonds with her father over learning to read, she finds strength in their pages, and begins to realize that there is so much more to the war than what's beyond her front door. Liesel's present, and her father's past, soon start to entwine to create an intricate story of stolen books, heart-wrenching moments, and actions that cannot be forgotten.
This story's incredibly hard to describe because of its overall theme and its heartbreaking content. I feel in love with Liesel, her foster father, and her best friend Rudy. This book made me feel so many things and it made me cry. I think I honestly cried while reading the story, but I also cried for days after I completed reading it. It's heartbreaking for me to read anything related to the Holocaust because my family members lived it; my great great aunt was a survivor of a concentration camp who later lived with my father. I have spent my life hearing about stories of the survivors from Lithuania, reading historical fiction related to the war, and watching videos about the heartbreaking events from this time period. It fascinates me, but at the same time horrifies me. This book, and The Nightingale, capture all the heartbreak and courage of these countries and individuals and I cannot praise them enough!
Switching gears, another book that spent months on the Best Sellers List and is going to be turned into a movie, is The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. This psychological thriller follows the uneventful life of the perpetually drunk and bitter Rachel. Everyday Rachel drives the commuter train to and from work focusing on one particular house; that of a lovely couple who she has named "Jess and Jason". She imagines what their lives would be like; their passionate embraces, their beautiful faces, and their immaculate home. In fact, their house is located on the street where she once lived. One day though, Rachel sees something that changes the course of her life, and her thinking. Rachel becomes the center of a missing-person-turned-murder-investigation that involves the life of her ex husband, Tom, his new wife, Anna, and the mysterious "Jess/Jason" whose real names turn out to be Scott and Megan.
Honestly, I was reluctant to read this story because of its' comparisons to Gone Girl (which I am sorry to say, I HATED), but I read it as part of my "26 Book Challenge" because it was the "book everyone has read but me". It was slow to start, but the deplorable character drew me in. They were just average people; they were cheaters and drunks and liars. That could be a number of people that many of us know in real life. Their lives were interwoven in a way that kept me guessing right until the very end. Even though none of the characters "redeemed" themselves, it was a fascinating read and a much better psychological thriller than Gone Girl (which dragged on for me and whose ending was very anti-climactic). It's definitely worth picking up if you are a Law and Order or CSI fan.
The last book that I want to review is another thriller of sorts with a mysterious edge to it. Reconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight is a young adult novel full of intrigue, complex family relationships, and friendships that are impossible to understand. Reconstructing Amelia tells the tale of high school student Amelia who turns up dead on her private-high school's property. Her mother, Kate, is stunned after the police rule her death a suicide. Even though her and her daughter's relationship had become increasingly strained, she knows that her daughter would never commit such an act after being caught cheating. Her grief, along with an anonymous text about her daughter's death, leads her on a whirlwind investigation into her daughter's life that connects past relationships, high school bullies, and stunning revelations. This tale of the complexities of mother-daughter relationships and vicious rumors makes for an interesting, relatable read.
Although this book is aimed at young adult readers, I feel as though many people can relate to its' underlying issues. There were many secrets that I kept from my own mother during my teenage years that put various strains on our relationship. I experienced first hand how fast rumors could spread in high school and how vicious bullies could be. I knew what it was like to want to be part of the "in-crowd" and wanting to feel accepted. High school is a complex, sometime vicious, environment and I felt like this story highlighted the "all-too-real" truth of what its' inner-workings can be. It was well-written and definitely worth your time!
Those are my top books of 2015. Even though the list is incredibly short, I feel like each of these stories evoked strong emotions in myself and are stunning to read. They made me laugh, cry, and they made me mad; they literally took my breath away and I couldn't recommend them anymore. Please take a little time to read; maybe not these books. But anything. Reading is a great escape, a valuable learning tool, and incredibly important to our youth!
As a little side note, I would love to give a shout out to a person that I recently met and admire already. She is a published author and very kindly linked my blog on her page. Please take a moment to check out Monica Fowler! She is humble and an author that is next on my reading list. Here I come, More Than One!
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Bottling Happiness
Merriam-Webster Dictionary online defines happiness as "a state of well-being and contentment or a pleasurable or satisfying experience" (n.d.). Happiness But, a state of well-being or contentment or even a pleasurable or satisfying experience can be different for everyone.
Happiness can be a phone call with your mom or a heartfelt-conversation with your sister about your past experiences. It can be laughing with co-workers about a ridiculous statement that someone said. It can be watching your child reach an important milestone. It can be starting or ending school (at any year or grade). It can be a date night with your significant other. It can be getting recognition from your boss. It can be nailing an essential interview or landing your dream job. It can be sitting down at the end of the night with a glass of wine and a good book. It can be laughing at your favorite comedian after discovering their new t.v. special. It can be finally seeing that show on Broadway that you have been wanting to see for over a year.
Happiness can be something different for everyone. I also think happiness can be small things that many people take for granted.
Happiness can be taking a breath in the morning. It can be walking down the street. Speaking "Hello" to a neighbor. Heading off to your job each morning. Eating a full meal three times a day. Taking a warm shower each day. Having enough food in your pantry. Having your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa (or any relative) around to call on the phone or visit every once in awhile. Drinking clean water. Having a place to rest your head at the end of a long day. Clothes on your back. Being able to kiss your loved ones whenever you see them. Being good health. It can also be as simple as opening your eyes in the morning and closing them each night.
Happiness is something that is special to each person. It is something that cannot be taken for granted. And sometimes we fall into that grove of unhappiness.
We have long days at a job where we are not respected for our integrity or our opinions. We have health issues that beat us down and never seem to go away. We aren't able to get enough sleep. We get into arguments with our loved ones and find it impossible to find a solution. We are frustrated over our children not listening to us. We get mad about our roommates or family members not cleaning up after themselves. We forget to set the alarm (or hit the snooze button) and run late for an important meeting. We run into traffic. We are served burnt coffee from the coffee shop. We have migraines. We have cramps. We don't get along with our co-workers. We don't get any alone time.
It's easy to feel unhappy. Some days are hard. Some days are just OK. Some days are heartbreaking. Some days it doesn't seem like it's really worth it.
Life isn't always easy. In fact, no one said it would be. We have to deal with the good and bad; sometimes there is more good than bad and sometimes there is more bad than good. But, there is always happiness. There is always one moment that we can recall from the day that will make it seem worth it.
And that is why I started a Happiness Jar for 2016.
What is a Happiness Jar? Well, I honestly have never heard of one before, but apparently they are a thing. Who knew?! One of my friends on Facebook posted the idea on New Years Day and I fell in the love with the concept and since it was the beginning of the year, I decided to start a new tradition for myself. While I don't have the link for the page that I saw on Facebook (it was some random person's picture), I did do a little research on Pinterest and found a great link for the explanation of a Happiness Jar and even a cute description about how to make your own jar. The Happiness Jar
Basically a Happiness Jar is a jar (duh!) of all your happy moments from the entire year. You take a scrap piece of paper (or any paper really) and write down a quick thought or memory from the day that made you happy. Fold up the paper and add it to the jar. At the end of the year, you read all your happy memories and reflect on your accomplishments, your successes, and your feelings. Some people do a little spin on the jar and read thoughts throughout the year when they are feeling down or they burn them at the end of the year to make way for new happy thoughts. Either way, it's a collection of all the moments that make you happy; it's a way to remember.
I haven't gotten a jar yet, but so far I have written down a happy note for each day. I know it's only the 6th of January and the year has just begun, but it's honestly a peaceful practice. It's nice to sit down for a few seconds to remember what made me laugh or smile that day. It's a great way to end my night or pull myself together right after the kids go to bed. But the best part of the happiness jar (so far) is that I will always have a happy moment to write about.
The Happiness Jar has made me realize just how lucky I am. Every day I wake up surrounded by people I love. I have my two kids who make my life complete and my husband who is always there for me. I live with two old and cranky, but completely loveable uncles who I am grateful for. I have a job in the field I love and went to school for; and even though it's a struggle to do everyday, for multiple reasons, I still earn money doing what I love. Not many people can say that. Each day I have food on my table, a warm home to come back to, a pillow to rest my head on, and pretty decent clothes to wear on my back. I am able to walk, talk, and breath on my own. I can think for myself and other than this really disturbing swollen gland that I am currently battling, I am in good health. I have a loving family (and an amazing extended family) who supports me in all I do and don't do (thanks for all the rides for my license-less self). I have friends who are there for me through thick and thin even though I suck at texting back. I have made new friends who make me laugh and helped me become a better teacher and person.
As long as I have all of these things, I have a happy moment each and every day to write about and for that I am truly grateful.
Happiness can be a phone call with your mom or a heartfelt-conversation with your sister about your past experiences. It can be laughing with co-workers about a ridiculous statement that someone said. It can be watching your child reach an important milestone. It can be starting or ending school (at any year or grade). It can be a date night with your significant other. It can be getting recognition from your boss. It can be nailing an essential interview or landing your dream job. It can be sitting down at the end of the night with a glass of wine and a good book. It can be laughing at your favorite comedian after discovering their new t.v. special. It can be finally seeing that show on Broadway that you have been wanting to see for over a year.
Happiness can be something different for everyone. I also think happiness can be small things that many people take for granted.
Happiness can be taking a breath in the morning. It can be walking down the street. Speaking "Hello" to a neighbor. Heading off to your job each morning. Eating a full meal three times a day. Taking a warm shower each day. Having enough food in your pantry. Having your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa (or any relative) around to call on the phone or visit every once in awhile. Drinking clean water. Having a place to rest your head at the end of a long day. Clothes on your back. Being able to kiss your loved ones whenever you see them. Being good health. It can also be as simple as opening your eyes in the morning and closing them each night.
Happiness is something that is special to each person. It is something that cannot be taken for granted. And sometimes we fall into that grove of unhappiness.
We have long days at a job where we are not respected for our integrity or our opinions. We have health issues that beat us down and never seem to go away. We aren't able to get enough sleep. We get into arguments with our loved ones and find it impossible to find a solution. We are frustrated over our children not listening to us. We get mad about our roommates or family members not cleaning up after themselves. We forget to set the alarm (or hit the snooze button) and run late for an important meeting. We run into traffic. We are served burnt coffee from the coffee shop. We have migraines. We have cramps. We don't get along with our co-workers. We don't get any alone time.
It's easy to feel unhappy. Some days are hard. Some days are just OK. Some days are heartbreaking. Some days it doesn't seem like it's really worth it.
Life isn't always easy. In fact, no one said it would be. We have to deal with the good and bad; sometimes there is more good than bad and sometimes there is more bad than good. But, there is always happiness. There is always one moment that we can recall from the day that will make it seem worth it.
And that is why I started a Happiness Jar for 2016.
What is a Happiness Jar? Well, I honestly have never heard of one before, but apparently they are a thing. Who knew?! One of my friends on Facebook posted the idea on New Years Day and I fell in the love with the concept and since it was the beginning of the year, I decided to start a new tradition for myself. While I don't have the link for the page that I saw on Facebook (it was some random person's picture), I did do a little research on Pinterest and found a great link for the explanation of a Happiness Jar and even a cute description about how to make your own jar. The Happiness Jar
Basically a Happiness Jar is a jar (duh!) of all your happy moments from the entire year. You take a scrap piece of paper (or any paper really) and write down a quick thought or memory from the day that made you happy. Fold up the paper and add it to the jar. At the end of the year, you read all your happy memories and reflect on your accomplishments, your successes, and your feelings. Some people do a little spin on the jar and read thoughts throughout the year when they are feeling down or they burn them at the end of the year to make way for new happy thoughts. Either way, it's a collection of all the moments that make you happy; it's a way to remember.
I haven't gotten a jar yet, but so far I have written down a happy note for each day. I know it's only the 6th of January and the year has just begun, but it's honestly a peaceful practice. It's nice to sit down for a few seconds to remember what made me laugh or smile that day. It's a great way to end my night or pull myself together right after the kids go to bed. But the best part of the happiness jar (so far) is that I will always have a happy moment to write about.
The Happiness Jar has made me realize just how lucky I am. Every day I wake up surrounded by people I love. I have my two kids who make my life complete and my husband who is always there for me. I live with two old and cranky, but completely loveable uncles who I am grateful for. I have a job in the field I love and went to school for; and even though it's a struggle to do everyday, for multiple reasons, I still earn money doing what I love. Not many people can say that. Each day I have food on my table, a warm home to come back to, a pillow to rest my head on, and pretty decent clothes to wear on my back. I am able to walk, talk, and breath on my own. I can think for myself and other than this really disturbing swollen gland that I am currently battling, I am in good health. I have a loving family (and an amazing extended family) who supports me in all I do and don't do (thanks for all the rides for my license-less self). I have friends who are there for me through thick and thin even though I suck at texting back. I have made new friends who make me laugh and helped me become a better teacher and person.
As long as I have all of these things, I have a happy moment each and every day to write about and for that I am truly grateful.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Lessons Learned
It's been a long time since I've written a blog, but something has been weighing on my mind so here goes nothing...
Social media outlets, friends, family, and countless other sources have been talking nonstop about the new year. They are recounting the biggest music hits (and misses), the best red carpet moments, the stars who have passed and those who were born (hello Charlotte of Whales and Saint West), and the most talked about media stories. They are looking onto the new year with speculation over the next presidential candidates, who will win an Emmy or Oscar, what will happen to ISIS and Syrian refugees, and what stars will pop out a baby next. There are many media advertisements for gyms and weight loss programs to meet your New Years Resolution of losing weight. People are discussing what and how they are going to change in 2016 and what they are waving goodbye to in 2015. The New Year is apparently a big thing.
It also makes me reflect on the changes in my life this past year, but every year I refuse to make a New Years Resolution. People should constantly be working towards bettering themselves and if I am going to be honest, most people don't change. They say they will be nicer, lose weight, stop drinking or smoking, etc..., but most of the time it's just that: talk. Making a change is hard work. It requires dedication and motivation and it's a constant battle. It never ends. You don't just change one thing about your lifestyle and suddenly you are a different person; it's an everyday struggle and most people don't have that kind of will power. No offense to anyone reading this, but these are my feelings. If you don't like reading how I feel then maybe this isn't the blog post for you...
Either way, there will be no New Years Resolution for me this year, but I have learned some important lessons that I will apply moving forward in 2016.
2015 was the year I really worked towards bettering myself. I went back to school to work on my Bachelors Degree (and will be done in July of 2016!!!). I became a better teacher because I had a whole year of experience behind me. I found a way to manage full time work, full time Mommyhood, a house, my family, and my late-night school work. I am proud of myself.
But I learned that on the way to becoming who you want to be and the position that you deserve, there will always be people who will step on you on your way up. They will find a way to tear you down just when you think you are standing up. They will make you doubt yourself and your new found abilities in a way that makes you rethink your purpose in life. They will put you into positions that make you feel like a failure and like you aren't worthy of the things that you have achieved. They will place other people on pedestals who have kissed their way there in order to make you feel like hard work, dedication, and determination are unworthy characteristics. They will think their experience and their time are more important and more worthy than the ideas you bring to the table. They will try to define who you are.
I am ashamed to say that I let them win this year. I let a few people make me feel like I wasn't good enough at what I was doing or the effort that I was putting in. I let them talk to me in a way that was degrading and unfounded. I sat back while they took over my life and the little control that I had. I let them win. I let them define who I am. And everyday I think back on that.
Everyday I think about something I could've done differently. I think about something I could've said differently. I let it eat away at me. I am so mad at myself (and them) for winning. I am so mad that I let them define who I am and what I have accomplished in such a short period of time and put it into such a narrow box. Oddly enough the person who taught me that I cannot let someone define who I am is the one who brought me down the most. Life is full of irony. But I'm no longer willing to let that irony lead my life.
In 2016, I am going to be proud of my accomplishments. I will speak my mind. I will voice my opinion. And I will do it all with a sense of pride and determination because I know that I have learned so much and that I have come so far. Maybe I only have a little bit of experience and maybe my education isn't the same thing as others, but that doesn't make me less of a person. It doesn't define who I am. I will no longer let someone define who I am. Lesson Learned.
2015 was also the year that I worked towards bettering my relationship with my husband. I truly believe that those couples who never fight and who always agree with one another are those who are truly suffering. By just saying, "Yes, " all the time, or by not saying anything at all, you aren't fighting for your relationship. You are taking the easy way out; it's easier to say, "Yes," and agree with someone else than go through the effort of voicing your opinion and coming to a compromise. Anyone who knows me or my husband, know that we aren't that couple. We are the ones who fight so loud the neighbors complain. And we fight often. We both feel so passionate (and are so stubborn) about certain issues that we refuse to compromise and we refuse to acknowledge the other's opinion. But that isn't healthy either.
Relationships are hard work. And anyone who tells you differently is either delusional or they don't want others to know that their life isn't perfect. You have to learn to compromise about parenting (if you have kids), how to manage your money, social issues, friendship and family commitments, chores around the house, jobs, and countless other issues. You make mistakes; sometimes mistakes that are so bad that you find it impossible to overcome them. You say things that are ugly and that can't be taken back. You start to doubt the purpose and direction of your relationship. You are with someone for so long that you start to fall into a routine; a routine of when you have sex, how you parent, when you have date nights, who does the dishes and who cleans up. You start going through the motions. Little things become big things and big things turn into resentment. Your family starts to feel the friction. Your parenting is affected. Everyday becomes a struggle and routine suddenly isn't appealing anymore. My husband and I faced this the hard way and had to fight our way back to who we are as people, who we are as parents, and who we are as a couple.
In 2016, I am going to remember to argue with purpose. There is a difference between yelling and holding onto your hurt and voicing your opinion and hearing others' in return. It's ok to walk away and take a moment when it all becomes too much because then you save your hurtful words and come back with reasonable ones. It's ok to not say what's wrong when you can't figure out the right words to say; you can take a moment or a few hours and figure out the best way to move forward. It's necessary to find time to spend together; maybe it's not a date night at a fancy restaurant (or hell, Olive Garden), but it can be time set aside after the kids go to bed to watch your favorite tv shows. You don't have to say, "Yes," or agree all the time and you don't have to make every disagreement into a fight. It's ok to compromise and speak your mind. It's ok to not have all the answers. It's ok if relationships are tough because they are worth fighting for. Lesson Learned.
Finally, 2015 was a year for me to remember the importance of family. As the years go by there are so many people in my life that I have lost and who I miss with an ache that hurts so much sometimes that it makes me curl up in a ball and want to stop life. I wish with all my heart that I could taste my grandma's brownies and deviled eggs one more time. I wish everyday that I could smell my grandfather's cigar smoke from my mom's front porch. I wish so hard that my kids could've met both of them and that they could've shared summers in New York just like I used to. I wish I could walk through my husband's grandma's and aunt's house one more time and hear Amelia say, "GG" or "Aunt Dor-Dor". I wish I could listen to my Uncle Tracy's detailed stories of his past one more time. I wish so many things were different. Because life is short and we often take little moments and conversations for granted. But missing isn't just for the ones you have lost; it's for the ones who are still here.
This year for a few weeks, I missed the sound of my brother's voice. I missed walking into my mom's house and hearing him prattle on about some random fact he learned on a tv show or what food he tried this week or what came in his "Nerd" packages. I missed it because for a while he couldn't speak. He couldn't eat. He couldn't even stay awake for brief moments. For a while it seemed like everything was wrong and those words and sounds wouldn't even be a possibility anymore. I am not really a praying person, but I prayed every second of every minute of every hour of every day for him to speak, and eat, and breathe. And it worked. But it also reminded me of something.
Life is too short. Moments can't be taken for granted. People need to be kissed and hugged and told that you love them as often as possible because it could be the last time you get to do that. Moments with family and friends need to be cherished as often as you possibly can because tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Take that silly picture. Remember old times. Share stories and random facts. Play that song one more time. Schedule one more family dinner. You don't know what tomorrow can bring or what it can take away. Lesson Learned.
2016 will be the year that I remember who I am and who I am not. It will be the year that I fight a little less and love a little more. It will be the year I say, "I love you," every chance I get. 2016 won't be a new me, it will just be the me that I already am and who deserves to show through a little more.
What will 2016 be for you?
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Ice Bucket Social Media
So, I originally started this as a status posted on Facebook, but then it got far too long so here I am turning to my blog. This post isn't going to be as long as my other ones, but I feel like it is significant none-the-less.
I was recently nominated by one of my best friends to do the ALS ice bucket challenge and while I understand the "terms" of this, I have let the 24 hour deadline pass and will not nominate anyone in return. This is not because I don't think ALS is an unworthy cause or because I am "no fun". I choose not to pour a bucket of ice over my head because I think a lot of people are doing this for the wrong reasons.
I know that the ALS foundation has earned a lot of money from this challenge and I think that is an AMAZING thing. It's a terrible, crippling disease and research needs to be done to find a cure, or at least find a way to better manage the progression of the disease. I know a lot of celebrities and even some "regular" individuals have donated a lot, or a little bit, of money to this cause and have done all they can to raise large sums of money.
But, the fact of the matter is a lot of people are doing this to simply "jump on the bandwagon". They think, "Hey! I was just nominated to dump a bucket of ice over my head, so I'm gonna make a video that all my friends and people on Facebook can see and then make more people do it so I don't have to raise money,". "It will be fun," they say. So, they make their video, they post it online using whatever social media they prefer and then they don't think twice about it.
That is the WRONG reason to do the ice bucket challenge.
This challenge was started by the ALS foundation to raise awareness for their cause and to raise money to be used towards research and anything else that would help people see how terrible this disease is and how many people are affected by it each year. It is a great idea. I have seen several social media posts about it, watched segments on the national and local news, and read articles in newspapers about how this is sweeping the nation. It's great to see people doing this for the right reasons... Dumping a bucket of ice over their heads and then raising/donating money for a great organization.
It was NOT started to become a social media "bandwagon" phase, similar to planking and the cinnamon challenge.
Even though I will not be donating money to the ALS foundation (like I said before, it's a great cause and I have nothing against the organization), that doesn't mean I won't be donating money. In fact, I donate money every year to a charity that is near and dear to me.
My brother was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy at a young age. This male affected neuromuscular disease is a process of muscle degeneration where muscles turn to fat as the disease progresses and muscle use is no longer possible. Usually by the age of twelve, boys with Duchenne are confined to a wheelchair because calf and thigh muscles have begun to degenerate into a fatty mass. Talipes sets in, which means the soles of the feet turn inward, and contractures of the knees and elbows are common. Contractures are the shortening of muscles due to prolonged immobility, in the case of Duchenne, from sitting in a wheelchair with no muscle use in the legs. Slowly joints become fixed and arms and legs are no longer able to be stretched out to their full length. As the person progresses into their teenage years, many Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy patients develop scoliosis, which is the curvature of the spine, because back muscles no longer support the body in an upright position. A spine straightening procedure may be used to correct the curvature by inserting metal rods with hooks into the spine. This is a relatively common surgery among those with the disease and the recovery time is just a few weeks. In addition to muscle limbs having degeneration, heart muscles also lack necessary dystrophin and they begin to degenerate as well.
The diaphragm and other muscles in the lung also begin to weaken. Symptoms of weakening lungs include difficulty breathing, headaches, and trouble concentrating and staying awake. With the weakened lung muscles comes a greater chance for infection and the common cold can easily lead to pneumonia. Males affected by this disease usually live until their mid twenties, possibly their early thirties, with a cause of death being heart or lung failure.
I was recently nominated by one of my best friends to do the ALS ice bucket challenge and while I understand the "terms" of this, I have let the 24 hour deadline pass and will not nominate anyone in return. This is not because I don't think ALS is an unworthy cause or because I am "no fun". I choose not to pour a bucket of ice over my head because I think a lot of people are doing this for the wrong reasons.
I know that the ALS foundation has earned a lot of money from this challenge and I think that is an AMAZING thing. It's a terrible, crippling disease and research needs to be done to find a cure, or at least find a way to better manage the progression of the disease. I know a lot of celebrities and even some "regular" individuals have donated a lot, or a little bit, of money to this cause and have done all they can to raise large sums of money.
But, the fact of the matter is a lot of people are doing this to simply "jump on the bandwagon". They think, "Hey! I was just nominated to dump a bucket of ice over my head, so I'm gonna make a video that all my friends and people on Facebook can see and then make more people do it so I don't have to raise money,". "It will be fun," they say. So, they make their video, they post it online using whatever social media they prefer and then they don't think twice about it.
That is the WRONG reason to do the ice bucket challenge.
This challenge was started by the ALS foundation to raise awareness for their cause and to raise money to be used towards research and anything else that would help people see how terrible this disease is and how many people are affected by it each year. It is a great idea. I have seen several social media posts about it, watched segments on the national and local news, and read articles in newspapers about how this is sweeping the nation. It's great to see people doing this for the right reasons... Dumping a bucket of ice over their heads and then raising/donating money for a great organization.
It was NOT started to become a social media "bandwagon" phase, similar to planking and the cinnamon challenge.
Even though I will not be donating money to the ALS foundation (like I said before, it's a great cause and I have nothing against the organization), that doesn't mean I won't be donating money. In fact, I donate money every year to a charity that is near and dear to me.
My brother was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy at a young age. This male affected neuromuscular disease is a process of muscle degeneration where muscles turn to fat as the disease progresses and muscle use is no longer possible. Usually by the age of twelve, boys with Duchenne are confined to a wheelchair because calf and thigh muscles have begun to degenerate into a fatty mass. Talipes sets in, which means the soles of the feet turn inward, and contractures of the knees and elbows are common. Contractures are the shortening of muscles due to prolonged immobility, in the case of Duchenne, from sitting in a wheelchair with no muscle use in the legs. Slowly joints become fixed and arms and legs are no longer able to be stretched out to their full length. As the person progresses into their teenage years, many Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy patients develop scoliosis, which is the curvature of the spine, because back muscles no longer support the body in an upright position. A spine straightening procedure may be used to correct the curvature by inserting metal rods with hooks into the spine. This is a relatively common surgery among those with the disease and the recovery time is just a few weeks. In addition to muscle limbs having degeneration, heart muscles also lack necessary dystrophin and they begin to degenerate as well.
The diaphragm and other muscles in the lung also begin to weaken. Symptoms of weakening lungs include difficulty breathing, headaches, and trouble concentrating and staying awake. With the weakened lung muscles comes a greater chance for infection and the common cold can easily lead to pneumonia. Males affected by this disease usually live until their mid twenties, possibly their early thirties, with a cause of death being heart or lung failure.
In other words, the disease sucks and it honestly heartbreaking to watch someone so close to you go through something so terrible. It sucks to know that no matter what you do, you can't make it better or go away. It's a terrible, crippling disease and I HATE that my brother, and others like him, have to go through all this pain.
But, that being said, it has made me a more compassionate person because you never know what someone is going through or facing in their everyday life. You can't judge a book by it's cover. It has also let me get to know about an incredible organization; the Muscular Dystrophy Association (MDA).
Ever since I was a little girl, my family was involved in various MDA fundraising benefits, Christmas parties, and other events to raise money and awareness of neuromuscular diseases. I have gotten to know many families and individuals who are affected by terrible muscles diseases, but still find a reason to smile and keep pursuing their dreams. It's truly amazing how much this organization really cares about those that they are trying to help.
I'm sure people have seen the "Fill a Boot" fundraisers done by local firefighters. I'm sure people have watched, or at least known about, the annual Labor Day MDA "Show of Strength" telethon. I'm sure people have at least heard the name Jerry Lewis in passing. These are all people or fundraising feats done in support of the MDA.
Because of my brother and this wonderful organization, I have an "Ice Bucket Challenge" to complete each and every year....
Besides from the fact that I help to "Fill the Boot" whenever I see one or the fact that I always donate a few dollars everytime I see one of those Shamrocks that stores post on their walls, I have made a personal donation to MDA every single year for as long as I have remembered. It may not always be a lot of money, but each year I make my donation. I fully believe in the MDA foundation and the research they are doing every year. I watch the Telethon, which usually makes me sob like a baby when I watch the stories of those affected by muscle disease, and I donate whatever I can at the time. It may not be tomorrow, it may not even be when my brother can see the benefits, but I truly hope that one day, there will be a cure for neuromuscular disease.
But, none of this research can be done if no one is watching and listening and donating. Research is expensive and it needs donations, no matter how big or small.
So, this is my challenge to you. Pick something you are passionate about. Do you know someone that has passed away from cancer? Do you have a family member who is facing a disease that doesn't have a cure? Do you love the fact that a certain hospital let's patients attend without facing any medical costs, like St. Jude's? Has Robin Williams' death affected you so much that you don't want anyone facing depression to go unnoticed? What makes you passionate?
Decide this and then go out and donate. Maybe it's just buying a pink ribbon for breast cancer that goes to support research. Maybe it's throwing a few coins into a local collection bin. Maybe it's taking matters into your own hands and raising money from friends and family to donate a large sum. Maybe it's running/walking in a Pancreatic Cancer 5k or Heart Walk. Anything is better than nothing.
Don't just jump on the bandwagon and complete a challenge because social media asked you. Question why they are doing this. Where the "craze" started. How you can learn more. Why they need your help. Challenge yourself because you want to. Not because you want your friends to see you post a video.
*I also just want to say that I'm not knocking anyone for completing this challenge. By re-posting videos and nominating others, you are keeping the awareness going and that's always a good thing. And I know sometimes life sucks and money is tight and it's not always possible to donate. This is just my take on how I think some people are doing this for the wrong reason... It's so much more than dumping a bucket of ice on your head. It's a foundation and a movement that will benefit so many people. It's something to be passionate about. It's something to learn from.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
More Than...
I feel like there comes a time in everyone's life where there is an over-abundance of "baby announcing" going on. Every time you turn around, a family member, a co-worker, a past classmate, a friend...someone is announcing they are pregnant. There is a shower to attend every other weekend or you are helping to plan a shower. You have to go see so-and-so at the hospital because his/her baby was just born. Babies R' Us, Buy Buy Baby, and Target become like second homes. It feels like everyone is having a baby.
I have officially reached that point in my life.
In the past year alone, both my sister-in-law and I have given birth, a family friend has given birth, a close friend has announced her pregnancy, my sister is going to be a mom for the second time around, my husband's cousin is due to give birth any day, and several past classmates have either given birth or are soon going to be giving birth. I have gone to so many showers, have been shopping at Babies R' Us like it's my job, and received countless birth announcements in the mail that it's gotten to the point where it's almost comical. I feel like this time in my life is "the baby boom".
Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy for these people. They all deserve to experience the joy of becoming a mom or dad for the first time. And a lot of them have been there to support me throughout my two pregnancies and my children's lives. It's truly amazing that so many people are reaching this special time in their lives. Plus, babies are adorable. Who doesn't like to hold a newborn and smell their sweet baby scent?!
What does bother me are the inevitable things that people say at those showers, in the hospital, or while visiting a newborn baby. I can't count on two hands, or both my feet, how many times I have heard the saying, "Enjoy your time with each other now because once the baby is here, you aren't going to get a moment alone." Or "Say goodbye to all your freedom". Or my personal favorite, "Your time with friends and going out is over once the baby comes".
All of these sayings make me so angry and to be honest, I can't help but judge the people who say them, just a little bit.
First, the parents-to-be are trying to enjoy this time in their lives. They are overjoyed to be given the blessing of having a baby. They cannot wait to hold their newborn. To whisper sweet nothings in their ears. To shower their little ones with kisses and hugs and love. To finally add the title of mom and dad to their names. It's a beautiful time. And here these people go, spouting off that their life is going to be ruined once the baby comes. That it's going to change so much that who they are now will be unrecognizable. Just let the new parents be happy. They have an idea of how life is going to change once they add a little one to the mix. They have accepted that. Let them soak in every moment and praise and "Congratulations" they can get. It's their right and it's what is going to make them happy and be able to welcome their sweet baby into the world with open arms and open hearts.
But, secondly, and most importantly, just because you are a parent, or are becoming a parent, doesn't mean that who you are and what you do is going to be forgotten. Sure life changes drastically the second you give birth. You are now responsible for a tiny, human life. This child before you is going to rely on you, and your partner, to be the sole provider of their health, happiness, and nutrition. They cannot do anything for themselves; it's up to you to feed them, change them, clean them, dress them, and teach them about the world around them.
Those first six weeks or so are rough. Babies don't sleep on a regular schedule so you have to adjust your schedule to accommodate them. You have to wake up at all hours of the night and day to feed and change them. You have to take them to frequent doctor's visits. You have to find the balance of what diapers work best and how to breastfeed or what formula is going to sit well in your baby's stomach. You have to learn what makes your baby happy. And you have to do all of this while healing from the process of giving birth, managing work, keeping yourself (or spouse or other children) fed, doing the laundry, and having a somewhat liveable, clean house. It's exhausting. Your hormones are all over the place. You don't get enough sleep. It's a beautiful time because you have this amazing new life in your world. But it's also a lot to handle; it's a big adjustment.
But even with such a big adjustment to your life, just because you are a mom or dad, that doesn't mean that that is all you are. That everything else you were before, or everything you can be in the future, ceases to exist. It also doesn't mean that just because you are a mom or dad, your social life goes away...
I became a mom for the first time at young age; I got pregnant at 20 and gave birth at 21. Which means when all my friends were at college, or partying it up for their 21st birthdays, I was carrying around a significant baby belly and prepping for becoming a mom. Which was totally fine with me. But it was obviously a very different life than what my friends were living and it was incredibly hard to find time to make those two worlds mesh together. Even when I became a mom to my little boy, I was 26 and most of my friends weren't even married yet. Some of them weren't even engaged or dating someone regularly. And here I was once again meshing two different worlds together in order to find a balance between motherhood and having a social life. It was hard and to be honest, it's still hard.
But, I want to be so much more than a mom...
Being a mom is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I still find it odd to believe that the well-being and happiness of two tiny humans is my responsibility. I carried them around in my belly. I've been there to kiss away every tear and share in every smile. I have cared for them when they are sick. I have taught them how to be independent. I help my daughter with homework. I play with my son and watch him master a new skill every day. They are sweet, and beautiful, and kind, and smart, and perfect. I am so proud of who they are and that they call me mom. It is my biggest responsibility and my greatest joy to be a mom. I would drop anything and do anything for them in a heartbeat. They will always come first for me.
But, I want to be so much more than a mom...
I want to have a career and be an educator. It's why I went back to school. It's why I applied for a job recently. I want to educate children. I want to inspire them to be so much more than they can dream of. I want to provide a good foundation for their schooling and for life. I want to be a role model to them. I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl and I am still chasing my dream.
But, I want to be so much more than a teacher...
I want to be a student. I want to go back to school and earn my Bachelors degree. I want to eventually earn my Masters. I want to educate myself as much as I can so I can always be up-to-date on educational issues that are facing students, schools, and the government. I want to soak in all the knowledge I possibly can so that I have more opportunities in my field of work. I love the idea of learning and being in the classroom. I actually love school and being a student makes me happy. Even if I don't always love the work that goes along with it.
But, I want to be so much more than a student...
I want to be a writer. My ideal career is to be a preschool or Kindergarten teacher. But, my passion has always been writing. I love to read. I soak in all the books I can. Young adult, romance, fiction, non-fiction, biographies, religious texts, everything. Whatever I can get my hands on, I read. I have always envied those who can create an elaborate world and inspire millions of people to buy their books and fall in love with their characters. But, I suck at that. I cannot create memorable characters or distinct worlds that people can actually imagine themselves in. What I can do is write about myself and my life experiences. I think that's the only thing I'm actually good at writing. Which is a little vain, but I'll go with it. I love to write. It releases a lot of stress and when people actually give me good feedback, it fuels my hunger for writing even more.
But, I want to be so much more than a writer...
I want to have fun. I want to have a social life. I love going out and having drinks with my friends. I love being able to lounge around the house and have silly days with those I love. I love going out dancing. I love heading out to concert every once in a while. I enjoy being able to go to the casino and waste a few bucks on the slots. It's nice to be able to step away from my everyday life of being a responsible parent to just having fun with friends or family. I don't want to be the "boring" mom. The one who goes to bed at 8 every night. Who has the same routine everyday. Who doesn't go out with her friends. Whose sole companionship is her husband and her kids. I would literally go crazy if that was me. You need close friends who you can be silly with, who you can vent to, who you can just relax with. I need that. I enjoy that.
I want to be so much more than a mom.
I feel like once you become a mom, everyone sees you as someone different. They think that just because you have a baby and a family, you can't go out and have a drink. They think that you don't have the time to go to a concert with them. They think that you can't go out and do all the things that they are doing. All because you have added a new person to your life and a title to your name. But, that's not true.
You can be so much more than a mom or a dad. Just like you can be more than a friend. More than an uncle or an aunt. More than what your career is. You don't have to be just one single thing. Just because you are a mom doesn't mean that you can't go out and have fun. It doesn't mean that you don't have friends anymore. It doesn't mean that you forget everything that existed before you had a baby. Some parents do this. And if that is what makes them happy, then fine. That's their thing. But, it doesn't have to be that way if you don't want it to be.
You may have to rearrange your plans for the night. You may have to say no to a couple get-togethers. You may have to make sure you have a babysitter for the night before you say yes to a friend. But, you don't have to be just a mom or just a dad. You can be the best mom or dad you can be and still be a friend, and have a career, and do whatever you feel passionate about.
So, the next time someone says, "Oh, you're having a baby. Kiss your freedom good-bye," tell them to shove it. Because you don't have to say good-bye to your freedom or your friends or who you want to be. You can be so much more than a mom.
I know I want to be so much more.
I have officially reached that point in my life.
In the past year alone, both my sister-in-law and I have given birth, a family friend has given birth, a close friend has announced her pregnancy, my sister is going to be a mom for the second time around, my husband's cousin is due to give birth any day, and several past classmates have either given birth or are soon going to be giving birth. I have gone to so many showers, have been shopping at Babies R' Us like it's my job, and received countless birth announcements in the mail that it's gotten to the point where it's almost comical. I feel like this time in my life is "the baby boom".
Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy for these people. They all deserve to experience the joy of becoming a mom or dad for the first time. And a lot of them have been there to support me throughout my two pregnancies and my children's lives. It's truly amazing that so many people are reaching this special time in their lives. Plus, babies are adorable. Who doesn't like to hold a newborn and smell their sweet baby scent?!
What does bother me are the inevitable things that people say at those showers, in the hospital, or while visiting a newborn baby. I can't count on two hands, or both my feet, how many times I have heard the saying, "Enjoy your time with each other now because once the baby is here, you aren't going to get a moment alone." Or "Say goodbye to all your freedom". Or my personal favorite, "Your time with friends and going out is over once the baby comes".
All of these sayings make me so angry and to be honest, I can't help but judge the people who say them, just a little bit.
First, the parents-to-be are trying to enjoy this time in their lives. They are overjoyed to be given the blessing of having a baby. They cannot wait to hold their newborn. To whisper sweet nothings in their ears. To shower their little ones with kisses and hugs and love. To finally add the title of mom and dad to their names. It's a beautiful time. And here these people go, spouting off that their life is going to be ruined once the baby comes. That it's going to change so much that who they are now will be unrecognizable. Just let the new parents be happy. They have an idea of how life is going to change once they add a little one to the mix. They have accepted that. Let them soak in every moment and praise and "Congratulations" they can get. It's their right and it's what is going to make them happy and be able to welcome their sweet baby into the world with open arms and open hearts.
But, secondly, and most importantly, just because you are a parent, or are becoming a parent, doesn't mean that who you are and what you do is going to be forgotten. Sure life changes drastically the second you give birth. You are now responsible for a tiny, human life. This child before you is going to rely on you, and your partner, to be the sole provider of their health, happiness, and nutrition. They cannot do anything for themselves; it's up to you to feed them, change them, clean them, dress them, and teach them about the world around them.
Those first six weeks or so are rough. Babies don't sleep on a regular schedule so you have to adjust your schedule to accommodate them. You have to wake up at all hours of the night and day to feed and change them. You have to take them to frequent doctor's visits. You have to find the balance of what diapers work best and how to breastfeed or what formula is going to sit well in your baby's stomach. You have to learn what makes your baby happy. And you have to do all of this while healing from the process of giving birth, managing work, keeping yourself (or spouse or other children) fed, doing the laundry, and having a somewhat liveable, clean house. It's exhausting. Your hormones are all over the place. You don't get enough sleep. It's a beautiful time because you have this amazing new life in your world. But it's also a lot to handle; it's a big adjustment.
But even with such a big adjustment to your life, just because you are a mom or dad, that doesn't mean that that is all you are. That everything else you were before, or everything you can be in the future, ceases to exist. It also doesn't mean that just because you are a mom or dad, your social life goes away...
I became a mom for the first time at young age; I got pregnant at 20 and gave birth at 21. Which means when all my friends were at college, or partying it up for their 21st birthdays, I was carrying around a significant baby belly and prepping for becoming a mom. Which was totally fine with me. But it was obviously a very different life than what my friends were living and it was incredibly hard to find time to make those two worlds mesh together. Even when I became a mom to my little boy, I was 26 and most of my friends weren't even married yet. Some of them weren't even engaged or dating someone regularly. And here I was once again meshing two different worlds together in order to find a balance between motherhood and having a social life. It was hard and to be honest, it's still hard.
But, I want to be so much more than a mom...
Being a mom is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I still find it odd to believe that the well-being and happiness of two tiny humans is my responsibility. I carried them around in my belly. I've been there to kiss away every tear and share in every smile. I have cared for them when they are sick. I have taught them how to be independent. I help my daughter with homework. I play with my son and watch him master a new skill every day. They are sweet, and beautiful, and kind, and smart, and perfect. I am so proud of who they are and that they call me mom. It is my biggest responsibility and my greatest joy to be a mom. I would drop anything and do anything for them in a heartbeat. They will always come first for me.
But, I want to be so much more than a mom...
I want to have a career and be an educator. It's why I went back to school. It's why I applied for a job recently. I want to educate children. I want to inspire them to be so much more than they can dream of. I want to provide a good foundation for their schooling and for life. I want to be a role model to them. I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl and I am still chasing my dream.
But, I want to be so much more than a teacher...
I want to be a student. I want to go back to school and earn my Bachelors degree. I want to eventually earn my Masters. I want to educate myself as much as I can so I can always be up-to-date on educational issues that are facing students, schools, and the government. I want to soak in all the knowledge I possibly can so that I have more opportunities in my field of work. I love the idea of learning and being in the classroom. I actually love school and being a student makes me happy. Even if I don't always love the work that goes along with it.
But, I want to be so much more than a student...
I want to be a writer. My ideal career is to be a preschool or Kindergarten teacher. But, my passion has always been writing. I love to read. I soak in all the books I can. Young adult, romance, fiction, non-fiction, biographies, religious texts, everything. Whatever I can get my hands on, I read. I have always envied those who can create an elaborate world and inspire millions of people to buy their books and fall in love with their characters. But, I suck at that. I cannot create memorable characters or distinct worlds that people can actually imagine themselves in. What I can do is write about myself and my life experiences. I think that's the only thing I'm actually good at writing. Which is a little vain, but I'll go with it. I love to write. It releases a lot of stress and when people actually give me good feedback, it fuels my hunger for writing even more.
But, I want to be so much more than a writer...
I want to have fun. I want to have a social life. I love going out and having drinks with my friends. I love being able to lounge around the house and have silly days with those I love. I love going out dancing. I love heading out to concert every once in a while. I enjoy being able to go to the casino and waste a few bucks on the slots. It's nice to be able to step away from my everyday life of being a responsible parent to just having fun with friends or family. I don't want to be the "boring" mom. The one who goes to bed at 8 every night. Who has the same routine everyday. Who doesn't go out with her friends. Whose sole companionship is her husband and her kids. I would literally go crazy if that was me. You need close friends who you can be silly with, who you can vent to, who you can just relax with. I need that. I enjoy that.
I want to be so much more than a mom.
I feel like once you become a mom, everyone sees you as someone different. They think that just because you have a baby and a family, you can't go out and have a drink. They think that you don't have the time to go to a concert with them. They think that you can't go out and do all the things that they are doing. All because you have added a new person to your life and a title to your name. But, that's not true.
You can be so much more than a mom or a dad. Just like you can be more than a friend. More than an uncle or an aunt. More than what your career is. You don't have to be just one single thing. Just because you are a mom doesn't mean that you can't go out and have fun. It doesn't mean that you don't have friends anymore. It doesn't mean that you forget everything that existed before you had a baby. Some parents do this. And if that is what makes them happy, then fine. That's their thing. But, it doesn't have to be that way if you don't want it to be.
You may have to rearrange your plans for the night. You may have to say no to a couple get-togethers. You may have to make sure you have a babysitter for the night before you say yes to a friend. But, you don't have to be just a mom or just a dad. You can be the best mom or dad you can be and still be a friend, and have a career, and do whatever you feel passionate about.
So, the next time someone says, "Oh, you're having a baby. Kiss your freedom good-bye," tell them to shove it. Because you don't have to say good-bye to your freedom or your friends or who you want to be. You can be so much more than a mom.
I know I want to be so much more.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Speaking the Truth
Before you continue reading this, there are two facts you should be aware of:
- First, I started, and continue, to write this blog because it expresses my feelings at the moment. It's another way for me to get everything off my chest so I don't talk the ear off my family and friends about the same things a hundred times. I have feelings. I like to write. This works for me.
- Second, this blog isn't meant to "call anyone out". It's how I feel about people in general. It's what I believe and what's on my mind right now.
So, with that said, if you are easily offended or if you don't want to hear my opinions, stop reading now. This blog is what I believe to be true. Plain and simple.
There are two quotes that I live my life by. To me they explain everything. And I fully believe them to be true based on my past experiences. The first is, "Everything happens for a reason". And the second is, "People don't change". The latter of the two is what is really "bothering" me lately.
I firmly believe, and have seen my whole life, the fact that people don't change. If you're an addict, you are always an addict. If you are a cheater, you are always a cheater. If you're a selfish person, you are always going to be selfish. I have seen these personalities all my life and the story is always the same....
My father is an addict. He's been one for his whole life. It runs in his family. He started drinking at a young age. I remember him smashing his fist into walls in drunken rages went I was little. I remember seeing the empty beer cans hidden downstairs as a teenager when he was supposed to be sober. I remember having my husband search for him at all hours of the night because he was drunk and driving and no one knew where he was. He had an accident at work and started using painkillers. Always blaming the accident, he somehow found a doctor who would prescribe him meds whenever he wanted. There was never confirmed proof of it by my eyes, but I know he took to street drugs as well. He let one addiction become another and finally became someone who I no longer knew and someone who my children have no idea of. He let his addiction win. That's not why I don't talk to him... He's hurt me in ways that I'm not ready to forgive yet. And honestly, he makes me uncomfortable.
He's supposedly sober now. But I feel that even if he's sober, he still is and always will be an addict. It's part of who he is. It's part of his personality.
Now I am not saying that people who are addicts can't change their ways. It is possible to become fully sober. You can be a recovering alcoholic or drug addict or whatever. But, you will always be an addict. That temptation is always there. It's always going to be a part of you. And often, there is always a replacement for addiction. Maybe it's food or lotto tickets or cigarettes. But, either way, it's an addiction. Something to drown your troubles in and take the edge off. Just because you are a reformed whatever doesn't mean that you have changed. You are still that addict.
The same goes for people who are selfish. Just because you have a baby or get married or get out of high school doesn't mean that you are going to stop being selfish. You will always be selfish. Same goes for people who are cheaters. They just cheat in different ways. Or they sink back into the starting of their old habits and pull themselves out of it before it gets too far. And liars will always be liars. It's a coping mechanism. Even if it's a white lie, it's still a lie. And those people who are shitty parents/siblings/relatives/brothers/sisters/ect, will always be shitty parents. Just because you post an, "I'm so proud of my daughter" picture or "Keep this picture going if you love your father with all your heart" on Facebook doesn't mean that we are fooled. There are people out there who know the real you and who know what you do off of social media. You are still a shitty person despite the fact that posted a beautiful, touching quote or picture.
Plain and simple, people don't change. Your personality is still there. No one can change that no matter how hard they try. It's the reason why relationships based on, "Oh, he'll change once we get engaged," or "She'll be different once we have a baby," or "He just needs to get settled into his job and then he will be different" don't work. They are who they are and you need to accept them for their faults or get out.
Now, at the ripe old age of twenty-seven, I honestly feel like I know exactly what I want out of life and who I want to tolerate in my life. I have no use for high school drama that some people thrive on their entire lives. I have no want to play nice with people on social media (that is why my friends list is so short...I don't want to be friends on Facebook if we haven't talked in ten years or if we have "bad blood" between us). I love my family more than life itself. I would do anything for my children. I want to be a teacher someday. I want to have a career and be okay with my financial situation. I want to get over my stupid fear of driving so I can be an adult and be there for my kids. These are all goals that I work on each and every day. These are all things that I try live my life by.
Knowing what I want, and who I want, in life makes it unbelievably hard to "play nice". I have gotten to the point that I no longer want to be the "nice, goody-two-shoes". I don't want to be a doormat anymore. I'm not saying that I let people walk all over me, but I also let people take advantage of my niceness. And I honestly see no point in being a good person to those who treat me like crap. I just want to tell everyone how I feel and then be like, "To hell with you,". I can't be around people who bring me down or people who are self-absorbed or people who take advantage of the fact that I will do anything for them. I am literally sick of it. It's frustrating.
But, here's the thing. People don't change. I believe that about myself as well. I'm not just going to turn into a raging bitch who cuts everyone out of her life. I'm too nice. I will always be the girl who gives someone her last penny. I will always be the person who plays nice. I will always be the person to offer advice even if the person I'm giving advice to never, ever takes it. It's who I am. I have been this way since I was a little girl and I will continue to be this way until I am a ninety year old woman. But, this doesn't mean that I am always nice or always will be. I can call people out and tell them where to go every once in a while. But, deep down I am who I am. I am the "nice" girl.
And even though I have accepted the fact that people don't change and I don't change, it still bothers me so much. It makes me so sad and frustrated to see those I love not reciprocating in the same way. It feels like no matter how nice I am or how hard I try, there are certain people who will never return the favor. They will forever take advantage. They will always be selfish. They will always think that they are right and I am not. It's disheartening. I wish things were different. I wish I could just tell them off and then they would change and be equal in the relationship.
But none of that is going to happen. I can talk my head off time and time again (and I have) and nothing will change. Because people don't change.
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